


In Another Time, Another Place

by aothes



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:31:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aothes/pseuds/aothes
Summary: Isak and Even were never meant to last.permanent hiatus~





	1. welcome back

**Author's Note:**

> basic plot: isak + even break up the summer before isak's 3rd year :( even broke up with isak and left oslo  
> this story starts off december of isak's 3rd year

**December 2017**

December 15th. Fucking finally. Isak had been waiting way too long for this day to come. School had been stressful to say the least, and 3rd year was not easy on him. If anything, it had been the hardest year yet. Last year, he was able to cruise by with minimal effort, even excel in some subjects, but this year it seemed impossible. Deadlines, quizzes and tests were nearly everyday and he couldn’t escape the thought of school. Even worse was the fact that next year he would be going to college. Isak hated the thought of college these days. He remembered how just last year when he thought of college he thought it meant endless possibilities, now it seems more like a means to an end. An obligation, a chore. 

“Where have you applied?” Jonas asked. They were skipping yet another morning of school. It was the last day before break anyway and they had grown accustomed to spending the early hours of the morning eating kebabs in the park by their school. The old beat up benches had become their little meeting place. 

 “Hah- hardly anywhere,” Isak mumbled. He was quickly growing tired of the topic. His teachers, parents and roommates had been asking him nonstop as of late. He hated it. “I want to wait a bit- I think.”

Jonas’ eyebrows shot up. “What- like a gap year?”

“I just don’t know... it’s all up in the air at this point.” Isak hated this. Hated talking about his future. In the past couple of months Isak had adopted this new mentality: out of sight out of mind. He didn’t let himself think about anything too serious for too long. Whether it was his situation with his parents, school, Even- especially Even- he would avoid it. It was working so far, or at least Isak told himself it did. 

Jonas seemed to sense Isak’s discomfort and his face softened. He offered Isak a small smile. “It might be good, you know, after everything that’s happened. A break is good, yeah?”

Isak gave a quick smile back. Jonas was getting good at this. Comforting Isak, knowing just what to say and when to say it.  These past months, Isak’s been all over the place. Sad. Angry. Bitter. It was finally getting better and Isak couldn’t thank Jonas enough for sticking it through those months. Isak knows he was nearly impossible to deal with during the summer, but on the bright side, Isak and Jonas had gotten closer because of it. Jonas knew now, even better than before, how to read Isak. Isak was like an open book and Isak was okay with that.  “Mhm... yeah, we’ll see what my parents say. They’ve been asking nonstop. Every fucking conversation is about college with them these days. It’s exhausting.” 

Jonas laughed, “Hey, they’ll come around. They always do.”

It was a nice thought, and although right now it seemed hopeless, Isak kind of agreed. His parents _had_ always come around. It just took time. 

Just then, a phone call snapped Isak out of his thoughts. 

_Fuck- it was Sana._

Isak got up from the bench where he sat with Jonas, and took the call.

“Hi,” hesitantly said into the phone. Isak didn’t know why she was calling but Isak knew no matter what he was going to get an earful. He braced himself. 

“Isak! Are you coming today or not? We have a presentation in class. Don’t tell me you’re ditching again?” 

“Fuck- sorry,” Isak had almost forgotten. _Was it already almost time for 3rd period?_

“Ugh, Isak just email the teacher at least,” Sana said, her tone equal parts annoyed and angry. “It’s important- it’s almost the end of the term.You have to start taking this seriously if you-”

“Okay, okay. I will. Just give me like 15 minutes, I’m with Jonas. We might even make it there in time for 3rd period.” 

“Whatever,” Sana huffed and quickly hung up the phone.

 _That went well_ , Isak thought. 

* * *

When Isak finally got home it felt like bliss. Isak did manage to make it back for 3rd period, granted he was 15 minutes late, but hey, he made it. He had at least kept his promise to Sana. 

Even better was the fact that he had the apartment all to himself for the weekend. Eskild was spending the weekend with his friends, Linn had gone to visit her parents for break and Noora was spending the weekend with Eva and her friends. It was nice having the apartment to himself yet lonely all at the same time. 

It was Friday and all his friends were probably out but Isak didn’t bother anymore. It really, really wasn’t his thing. At first the whole drinking, partying scene was appealing because that’s just what everyone else did. It was one of the only things people his age did on weekends, and it just felt natural to do what everyone else was doing. Now, though, being in his 3rd year, he was completely over it. Isak still goes to some parties, just to catch up or when his friends _insist_. Because of this though, he had also started spending a lot more weekends alone. It left him too much time to think. He couldn’t stay distracted and hide from his thoughts forever. But oh, he tried.

Isak would blast music, do his homework, watch Family Guy, literally do anything to keep himself occupied on days like this. Days where he felt lonely and sad, like his thoughts were ready to burst out of him at any second. Most of the time it worked, but today, it just didn’t.

Isak was scrolling through Instagram. It was mostly pictures from the party being held at Emma’s and random memes. He was almost ready to put away his phone when he saw a picture posted from one of the second years, Thomas. Thomas and Isak were pretty close last year. They had gym class together last year but they didn't properly talk until Even properly introduced them to each other.

It was winter time when Isak spotted Thomas and Even were talking by the lockers after school. Instinctually, Isak went up to greet his boyfriend. Even then proceeded to introduce them to each other. That year the three of them grew to become really close. In fact, Thomas became one of Even’s closest friends and one of Isak's as well. After the break up- _wow Isak had not said those words in a long, long time_ -Isak didn’t bother unfollowing Thomas on social media. Now, he kind of wishes he had. 

It was a stupid picture, neither Even nor Thomas’ face was in the picture. Instead it was a picture of one of the walls in Even’s room. Even's room had changed a lot.

The caption on the photo was a simple “ _Welcome back._ ”

God- it stung. Isak wasn’t prepared for this so soon. Even worse, was the fact that upon clicking on the photo he realized that another account was tagged on the picture.

@ Even_Næsheim_

Isak couldn’t help himself- he clicked the account name. Isak was surprised, Even had sworn off social media a couple years ago and to be quite honest Isak never thought Even would get any social media again.They never talked about it but they both knew that the main reason why Even didn’t have any social media was because social media was associated with a bad time in Even's life. It brought back the worst memories for Even.

Social media symbolized a time when Even felt helpless, insane even. After the incident with his Facebook, his parents insisted Even stay away from that type of stuff and he didn’t really protest. He was actually relieved because deleting his social media was almost symbolic. He was getting rid of all the bad memories, of all those people from his old school who now looked at him like some sort of freak now that they had witnessed first hand Even’s illness. 

In all honestly Isak felt this weird, warm sensation in his chest now that Even was on Instagram. Although a seemingly small thing, Even getting an Instagram meant that Even was making progress. Even was finally starting to let go of the past and move on. Isak was so glad because he knew that Even, more so than anyone he knew, deserved to move on. Isak didn’t want Even to be held a prisoner to his past forever. 

When Even’s profile finally loaded, Isak realized it was private. All it showed that Even had 23 photos posted and surprisingly, his bio was blank. Isak would’ve thought that he would’ve at least put some sort of movie quote on there. 

_This was all too much. This was a lot to process for Isak. Even was back. In Oslo. And he was hanging out with Thomas- not Isak._

_Isak had a million questions on his mind. Was Even here for the holidays? Was this the first time he’d been back since he’d left? Isak thinks it is but then again, he hadn’t exactly kept in touch with Even. It was strange to think about how easy it was to cut someone off, well, at least physically. Even was still constantly in his thoughts, memories, and sometimes nightmares._

Isak thinks back to how everything was after the breakup. Everyone was so so supportive. If anything, they were just as upset as Isak. When Even and him broke up Isak felt so lost- he didn't know how to cut Even off. In all honestly, he never wanted to but he knew that that's what he had to do. That's what Even wanted and Isak needed to respect Even's decisions. It was hard because their lives had become so intertwined. Even and Isak were a package deal practically. During the year they were together, Even had become close with Isak’s friends and vice versa. In fact, although they still hung out with their friends alone , all of their friend groups just started molding together. After the break up, it felt like nothing could be the same. The whole dynamic was off. It was strange hanging out with Jonas, Madhi and Magnus at a party without Even. It was strange waking up on a Saturday and going to kitchen and only finding Noora and Eskild there. It was all so strange. Eventually, that strangeness turned into bitterness. Isak could never, ever  blame Even for the break up yet at the same time, Isak felt abandoned. Isak wondered how Even could walk away when they were just getting started. Isak + Even: minute by minute. Suddenly though, one July night, it was decided their time was up.

Although over 5 months had passed since the breakup, Isak still could feel that sharp pain.

Isak put away his phone now and buried himself under the blankets. It was freezing in Oslo and Isak couldn't help but remember all those nights that Even had spent with Isak the same time last year.

 _This time last year, Even and I had just started dating_ , Isak thought. Those were good memories.

Everything came rushing back to Isak. His thoughts were going a million miles an hour.

And so for the first time in a long time, Isak let himself cry. Isak wasn't even sure what he was crying about. Was he crying over Even, himself, their nonexistent relationship? Isak was so unhappy and lost. There. He had finally let himself admit it. It was a fact that he'd been trying to deny for ages. He was trying so, so hard to act better, for his friends, his family. Pretend that none of this affected him that much. He didn't want them thinking he was lost and hopeless without Even, even if that's what he felt. He didn't want to be treated like something fragile because at the end of the day, nothing that bad had happened, right? His boyfriend, his first boyfriend, broke up with him. That was all. Nothing more, nothing less. Isak was determined when it first happened to never, ever let himself feel bad about it. He tried so hard the first couple of months to let the break up empower him. He tried to focus on different things, different people. Sometimes it was school, other times music,books, hell, even other guys. They were all distractions though and nothing stuck.

It was equal parts sad and happy to see Even back. To see that Even still kept in touch with his old friends, to see that Even had moved on from the past.

For some reason though, Isak couldn't let himself do the same. He couldn't stop thinking about the past- about Even. 

Isak got up from bed and grabbed his phone. He sighed to himself and decided that he had nothing to lose. Isak opened up Even's instagram page and sent a follow request. 

 


	2. accepted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was time to move on

Isak woke up in a rush.

It was 7:30 and he had to get to work by 8.

 _Fuck_ , Isak thought, _When Eskild gets back, I really need to thank him for always being my human alarm clock._

* * *

Isak rode bus-31 to work every morning. The bus ride to work was short- only 15 minutes- but it made his day so much more bearable. He would listen to music and daydream. It was a good way to start off the day.

Today though, the bus ride couldn’t feel any longer. He had already been late twice this month and he really didn’t want to make it 3 times. His manager actually liked him, and Isak was determined to stay on his good side. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for his coworkers. They had all had to cover for Isak way too many times over the couple of months Isak had worked at the cafe and honestly, they were tired of Isak’s shit. Hell, even Isak was tired of his own shit. Isak tried, he really did, to be a reliable coworker but it was hard with school, insomnia and well, just by being a generally lazy teenager.

As he got on the bus, Isak unlocked his phone and checked his messages. Good- no angry messages from his coworkers. For that, he was grateful.

While he was on his phone, Isak decided to go ahead and check his Instagram for the first time that day. Isak was feeling much better since last night. After suppressing his feelings for so long, Isak knew that he was going to break down one night eventually. Last night happened to be that night. He cried a lot but Isak had accepted that and was okay with it. The most important thing was that Isak was a lot more in control of his emotions now.

Though Isak was feeling infinitely better than he did last night, he was still nervous about checking Even’s instagram. When he clicked Even’s screen name, the following button still said “requested.”

Even hadn’t accepted Isak’s request. Intentional or not, Isak considered this a sign. This wasn’t going to happen. It shouldn’t happen.

Last night, Isak was at his weakest, lonely and upset. He was home alone on a Friday night, and another boy happened to post a picture of his ex. Of course Isak was going to feel something.

Last night, Isak’s feelings were feelings of possessiveness and jealously. Today his feelings had transformed more into envy and nostalgia.

Isak envied that Thomas still got to see Even. Still probably got to text and skype him whenever. Still got to witness Even’s smiles and hear Even’s sometimes wildly inappropriate jokes. Isak no longer had those privileges.

That’s okay though because they are both individuals who, according to the universe, were not meant to be.

Even was never Isak’s and Isak was never Even’s. That was probably one of Isak’s favorite things about their relationship, looking back. They were never territorial. They didn’t need or want to be. They understood each other on every level and most of all they respected each other. They respected each other’s needs and wants.

Isak can’t speak on Even’s behalf but Isak learned so much from their relationship. Isak learned to accept himself, even beyond his sexuality. It’s something that Isak can never, ever thank Even enough for. Isak was so much more comfortable in his own skin now compared to just a year ago. Isak couldn’t help but smile at that fact. He had come a long way.

Maybe that’s why Isak could never get himself to think of Even in a bad light, even after the break up.

The break up had been bad. The more and more Isak thinks about that night, the more regrets he has. He regrets the things he said but most of all he regrets the things he didn’t say.

The night of the break up, Isak had been so caught up in his own feelings, his own head, that he could hardly listen to Even. Looking back, he doesn’t even think he tried. He was just too busy thinking, oh my god this is it, to even consider how Even was feeling. What this meant for Even. In reality, Isak will never truly know how much he meant to Even, but he knows that no matter the amount, the break up was hard on Even too. Even was letting go of a lot, too.

Isak didn’t realize this at first.

At first, Isak put too much blame on Even. Too much pressure. It wasn’t up to Even to continue something he didn’t want to do.

Isak realized all of these things now, but it was too late to say any of this to Even directly. Isak thinks he’s fine with that. Even was moving on. That was good.

The bus finally stopped in front of his stop.

8:07.

Not too bad, Isak sighed.

* * *

 

Sometime during his 7 hour shift, Isak realized he'd been going through this whole thing wrong. Isak was constantly idealizing Even and their relationship now that it was over. Their relationship wasn't perfect. In fact, most of the time it wasn't.

They were both just teenagers. Even was Isak's first boyfriend, and honestly, the first person Isak had loved in this way. Unconditionally.

Even and Isak's relationship was never treated as a sure thing, but they knew they loved each other. And at the start, that was enough. Eventually though, even love isn't enough.

Isak never liked admitting it. It made him feel weak, selfish and most of all he didn't want Even to feel bad. It was never Even's fault. But it was hard. So, so hard sometimes. Most of the times Isak didn't know what to do. It was so frustrating trying to help when Isak just couldn't.

The fights were always over the same thing:

"Isak, I'm fine. I just need space"  
"Stop worrying so much. I'll take care of it myself"  
"Isak- just drop it!"  
"I don't need to be on fucking suicide watch, Isak. Stop, I mean it this time"

Isak didn't want to act like a caretaker. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he just couldn't help it. Even was so fucking reckless. Isak couldn't just stand back and let Even continue on with his self destructive behaviors. Isak understood why Even would do these things though, so it was hard to confront Even about it. Isak's way of getting Even to stop was by being overprotective. Isak tried his best to come off casual, not controlling, but Even would sometimes feel trapped regardless. Even hated even the thought of being controlled by someone or something else.

Although Even had gotten better at accepting his mental illness, even going as far as joking about it, it was still a sore spot for Even. Even had been forced to get more comfortable with the idea that he was bipolar because everyone at school knew. Not only did they know about his illness, but they also knew everything about his past.

Even hated the stigma behind it, and although he tried to pretend it didn't bother him, it did. Even had a lot of supportive people in his life, but it was still difficult with for him. He didn't want to be treated or looked at differently but he knew he would be, no matter what. It was a hard truth to come in terms with Even and sometimes he coped in the wrong ways. Even understood that the people around him cared and had good intentions but it still fucking sucked. He still felt suffocated under their watch and Even wasn't afraid to tell Isak what he felt about Isak's increasingly protective behavior.

When things would get bad with Even and Isak, there was always a group of people in Isak's life to comfort him. To tell him that:

"This is just the way it will be sometimes"

"It'll be better soon"

"It's not your fault, Isak"

"You guys just need a little break, that's all. Even just needs a little break, Isak. He'll be okay"

Isak knew all of those things. Deep, deep down, Isak knew, but that didn't make any of it easier. It got so frustrating at times that Isak couldn't bear it. Isak felt like giving up. Like it was hopeless. Those feelings were always fleeting though, and eventually Isak found it in himself to continue trying with Even. It was worth it. Being with Even was the hardest and easiest thing Isak had ever done.

That being said, Isak had his fair share of bad days too. He wasn't always the caring and loving boyfriend that Even deserved. Isak was young and he was trying his best to learn as fast as possible. Sometimes Isak would say or do the wrong thing. Sometimes he would hurt Even. Isak hated thinking about those fights.

Isak sighed. Thinking about these things were only pointless now.

Suddenly, Eva, Chris and Noora walked in.

Isak absolutely hated when people he knew came into his work, especially his friends.

Eva and Chris quickly greeted Isak as they took a seat at a table in the back. To make out, no doubt, thought Isak.

Eva and Chris were now officially dating. It wasn't anything serious but they had a good relationship, Isak could tell. They were extremely private (besides the PDA), but overall they had a great dynamic.

  
Also, Noora and William had officially broken up this year too.

  
"Hey, Isak. When are you done with work?" Noora greeted "We're all going downtown tonight for a Christmas concert. Eskild and Linn are probably coming too."

Isak shrugged, "3. Thanks for the invite but I'm gonna have to pass. I already made  
plans with Jonas."

Noora raised her brows, "Great... now I'll be stuck with Eva and Chris making out all night while Eskild tries to flirt with every boy in the crowd."

"I think you'll survive," Isak said offering a sympathetic smile. "Anyway, I'm guessing you just want the usual, peppermint tea?"

Noora nodded.

 

* * *

 

When Isak got off of work, he finally checked his phone.

There were nearly 400 unread texts from the group chat, just like there always was after a long day of work.

Isak tried and failed to catch up on the texts as he took the bus home. Isak stopped reading when Magnus started talking about his sex life.

Isak was almost about to put up his phone when a notification popped up

"You are now following @ Even_Næsheim_"

Even had accepted his request.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes! had to republish this chapter...  
> leave suggestions down below <3


	3. good night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak reaches out

Isak ended up meeting Jonas for dinner at Isak's favorite Japanese place.

They talked about just about everything. School, family, TV shows, their other friends. It was nice catching up to Jonas. Though Isak and Jonas saw each other everyday, this was the first real conversation they'd had in awhile.

As Jonas finished his food, Isak looked at him anxiously. Isak's phone was starting to burn a hole in his pocket. He still hadn't checked his notifications since, even though it was hours later.

"Is everything okay, Isak?" Jonas asked, clearly concerned.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Isak quickly mumbled.

Jonas furrowed his brow.

"It's just that," Isak didn't know how to tell Jonas this, or even why he was. "Uhh- Even's back. In Oslo, actually."

Isak looked up expectantly at Jonas. Jonas didn't look surprised at all.

"Did- did you already know?"

Jonas pushed his hair back and shrugged, "I mean yeah, Magnus might've mentioned something about it yesterday."

Isak was surprised. He didn't really care whether his friends kept in touch with Even, he was just shocked. That's all.

"Magnus? He's still in touch with Even?"

Jonas looked conflicted, like he didn't know how much to reveal. He looked like he was handpicking his words, trying to predict how Isak would react. Isak hated that. At that moment Isak knew to drop the topic.

"Whatever- it doesn't matter even if he is. I don't really mind, Jonas. It's just strange that Even is back, ya know?"

Jonas looked relieved that Isak wasn't pressing the issue and nodded. "Magnus and Even aren't really in touch but Magnus heard something from a friend of a friend on facebook about Even coming back."

Isak nodded and changed the subject to Madhi's new girlfriend instead.

* * *

 

When Isak got home, Isak finally opened up Instagram. He was on his own for this. He didn't want or really have anyone to ask for advice about this, this whole Even situation. Honestly, he didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion. Judging by Jonas' reaction at dinner, Isak kind of knew what everyone would say anyway. Isak sighed.

When Isak opened up the instagram app he immediately went to the search bar and looked up Even's name and clicked his profile.

His most recent picture was one that he had just uploaded some time that night- it was a picture of Oslo's skyline. The picture didn't have a caption, but Isak saw that a few of Even's old friends had commented how much they'd missed him and how should hang out.

Isak felt almost guilty, like he was invading Even's privacy, so Isak scrolled through the other photos as quickly as possible. Most photos, Even wasn't even physically in. It was mostly scenic photographs, screenshots of his favorite albums, movies. Things like that.

Isak stopped at one photo though-of Even smiling. Impossibly big. The type of smile that would make Even's eyes look like they were closed. Next to Even was a guy with light brown hair. The guy had his arm casually slung around Even's body but he was looking away from the camera. The caption read "A good day." No one was tagged in the photo and there were no comments on the photo either. Isak didn't want to make assumptions. Honestly, Isak didn't want to know the truth. Whoever this guy was to Even, it shouldn't matter to Isak.

Isak continued scrolling down until he reached the first photo Even had ever posted. It was from only a couple of moths ago. It was of Even and his mum. It was an insanely adorable photo of them- both of them smiling like crazy. The resemblance was uncanny. Isak couldn't help but melt looking at that photo. Even had his ups and downs with his parents but at the end of the day, he was a complete mama's boy. Of course Even's first instagram would be of him and his mum.

Isak scrolled back all the way up he profile and ended at Even's most recent picture again. Oslo. Isak couldn't help but read the comments under the photo again. Everyone from Even's past wanted to hang out again. Isak felt a dull pain, a sense of jealousy. Everyone else could so casually ask to hang out while Isak felt like he just couldn't. It was taboo, maybe even desperate? Isak didn't fucking know really. He didn't want Even to take Isak reaching out like this in the wrong way, he didn't want anyone to take this the wrong way. He didn't tell Jonas about the whole instagram thing because of that very reason. Isak wasn't trying to make a move on Even. That part- the romantic part- of their relationship was over. All Isak wanted now was to see Even, talk to him. Ask him about his gap year, his family, whatever. Isak didn't want to go in too deep. Isak wouldn't. All Isak wanted was just a talk. To catch up. So Isak, mustering up as much courage as he could decided to send Even an instagram DM. Even already saw and accepted Isak's follow request so Isak didn't really think this was too much of a desperate move.

@isakyaki:  
hi, even. it's nice to see you're back in oslo. how are you?

  
Isak didn't really know how to word his message. In fact, he wrote it all so fast, not even looking down at his keyboard, and just hit send. That was the only way he wouldn't lose momentum. Isak wanted to ask Even out for coffee or something, just to catch up, but he felt it was too direct. Isak wanted to at least get a sense of how Even felt towards Isak now, how he felt about the whole situation really.

Isak was surprised when he got a reply not even 30 minutes later.

@Even_Næsheim_:  
It's good. Oslo is better than I remembered.  
I got to see my family for the first time so...  
How's everything with you?

Isak didn't really know how to respond, but this was nice. The small talk.  
Even's casual reply made Isak feel instantly more comfortable.

@isakyaki:  
third year sucks

@Even_Næsheim_:  
haha now you finally understand  
it'll get better next term

@isakyaki:  
i hope, math is kicking my ass

@Even_Næsheim_:  
Is third year really that bad though?

@isakyaki:  
no, not really. it's just more pressure i guess. everything else has been good though.

It was getting too personal now. Isak didn't really want to talk about how everything was going. Nothing was really going. Isak was just focused on making it through day by day at this point. Although Isak had began to almost resent the idea of school and college, he was doing better this term than last year. A lot better, grade wise. So there was that. Also, he had started working. He supposed he could tell Even about that.

@isakyaki:  
i actually started working at KB

@Even_Næsheim_:  
that's nice- it suits you.

@isakyaki:  
does it? it pays pretty well, so...

@Even_Næsheim_:  
do you get really good discounts? you should send over a gift card, it's my favorite coffee shop.

@isakyaki:  
haha. not quite sure if the 15% discounts are really worth the 8 hour shifts.

Isak didn't know how to ask this. How to stop this weird small talk/banter and just ask.  
Isak did it the only way he knew how- directly and awkwardly.

@isakyaki:  
anyway, i meant what i said when i said it's nice that you're back. if you're free, maybe we could meet for lunch or something. just to catch up.

 _  
Was that too direct?_ thought Isak. He didn't know but he guessed it didn't really matter now. He had already sent the message.

@Even_Næsheim_:  
OK. We should meet up. I can't meet up this weekend though.  
If you'd like you can just text me when you're free and we can catch up then.  
Here's my new number  
xxxxxxxxxx

@isakyaki:  
Okay.

Isak felt like that was an awkward way to end a conversation like that so he decided to add a quick

@isakyaki:  
Have a good night. Bye.

@Even_Næsheim_:  
You too

 

 


	4. i'm free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> even and isak meet up

The school week started way too soon for Isak.

Isak greeted his friends in the courtyard. They were all talking excitedly about something.

“Hey boys,” Isak greeted, smiling. It was nice to see them before school everyday. Refreshing.

They all greeted him back, filling him on the party they ended up going to late Saturday night. Isak listened intently. Even though Isak had heard probably a million stories about the boys’ experiences at random house parties, Isak never really got tired of them. They were always hilarious and always made school days a little more bearable.   
\-------------------------------------------  
While in class, Isak could hardly stay focused. It had been a weird week for Isak and on top of that he hadn't been sleeping very well. His mind was racing and he struggled to focus on the math equations on the board. His math teacher always bored him to death. He really needed to get a tutor or something- it was easily his worst subject.

Isak was so lost in the lesson that he genuinely gave up even trying. Maybe he'd text someone in his class for the notes later.

Instead, Isak decided to check his phone. He still hadn't texted Even, and Even hadn't messaged him since. Isak almost felt bad. It had been days since they'd last talked and it _was_  kind of Isak's job to make the first move, considering Even gave him his phone number and everything. 

Hesitantly, Isak copied Even's phone number from the instagram messages into a text. He wasn't really sure what to text Even now. Isak decided to go with the classic:

**_Hey. It's Isak. When are you free this week?_ **

Isak didn't really know how casual to be but he supposed that this was good enough. It was direct, without too much feeling. This was e _xactly_ what he was going for. Isak reread the text over and over again. _Maybe it was too direct?_ Isak wondered.

Isak reread the text one last time and shrugged. Isak told himself it was too fucking early in the morning to be worrying about how to properly text your ex.

\-----------------------------------------

Isak walked into the lunchroom and took a seat at his usual table. He was always the first to arrive of his friends. As he waited, Isak checked his phone for the first time since he sent that text to Even. After math class, Isak had decided he was too far behind in school to not pay attention in anymore classes.

Isak opened his phone and was relieved to see that Even had replied. Even had gotten a lot better at texting back in the past 5 months. That was good.

**Even:**

**I'll be free all of today after 1530 :)**

_Shit_ , thought Isak, after reading his message and Even's reply, _he was definitely being too rude in his texts._

Just as Isak was about to reply, Jonas and Madhi joined him at the lunch table.

"What's up?" Jonas asked. "You look worried."

Isak quickly shook his head. The last thing he wanted was Jonas or any of his other friends finding out that he was contacting Even, much less making plans to meet up.

"It's nothing. Where's Magnus?" Isak asked as casual as possible.

Jonas lifted his head, pointing his head towards the right. Isak looked over, and there Magnus was, shamelessly flirting with Vilde. It was gross. Vilde and Magnus was the weirdest couple Isak knew but Isak was happy for Magnus. Magnus was _always_ talking about Vilde these days. They were really getting serious, Isak thought.

All of the boys continued to watch Magnus and his awkward attempts at flirting. Out of nowhere Isak heard a distinct _meow_ coming from Magnus' direction. 

"What the fuck?! Did Magnus just _meow_?" Isak cried out while laughing.  

Madhi shrugged, "Yeah... they do that. You should've seen them going at it at the party this weekend." 

"Yeah- that's their thing. They both like cats or something." Jonas added. "Magnus has some weird kinks,man"

Isak put his head in his hands and sighed. God, his friends were weird. 

\------------------------------------------

After being distracted by Magnus and Vilde's weird romance during lunch, Isak had forgotten to reply to Even.

Isak felt guilty for taking so long to reply so Isak typed his new message out as quick as possible: 

**Sorry for the late reply. I'll be done with school in 15 minutes. Where do you wanna meet?**

Even immediately replied:

**it's ok**

**is it fine if we just meet at my place?**

Isak was surprised at the suggestion. Overwhelmed, even. It wasn't too strange, Isak guessed, all things considered. Even's place was pretty close to Nissen and Even was probably already at his house.

Isak replied:

**yeah, thats cool**

Not even a minute later Even texted back:

**great, ill send you the address**

Isak appreciated the fact that Even would even consider the possibility that Isak would've forgotten where he lived.To this day, every time Isak would pass by Even's neighborhood on the bus, he'd still hold his breath, trying not to think about all the memories.

\------------------------------------------

When Isak finally arrived at Even's house, he hesitated. He wasn't really ready for this but he rang the door bell anyway. Even took forever to answer, but eventually the door swung open. 

Isak couldn't explain how it felt when he saw Even for the first time. It was strange. It was a combination of a million things. He felt nervous yet relieved as well, after all it was just Even. The same guy he had dated for nearly a year.

Even looked nice. He had cut his hair shorter and his hair was neatly gelled up. He looked a lot healthier and his eyes shone.

 "Hey," Even said softly and flashed Isak a smile.

 "Hey," Isak smiled back. 

 


	5. sick goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak + even talk about the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a flashback that takes place a few months before Even graduates. Isak and Even talk about their future together. hopefully this gives you a little insight on their break up/relationship :)

**April 2017**

 

Even and Isak were laying down in bed. It was Sunday and though both of them were terribly behind on coursework, they refused to get out of bed. They had spent the Saturday before out and Isak was looking forward to a day of just nothing. Today though, Even had been strangely quiet. Isak didn't want to press. Even always hated when people would do that. 

So, Isak hummed a song as Even lazily rubbed circles into Isak's bare back. 

Even suddenly took his hands off of Isak and cleared his throat. Isak instinctively looked up. Isak could tell Even had something important to say. 

"I don't... I don't think I want to go to college," Even said, staring back at Isak. 

Isak lifted his eyebrows, clearly surprised, but recovered. "Okay, what do you want to do instead?" 

  
Even gave him an unreadable look. "You're way too supportive," Even teased.

Isak raised his eyebrows and laughed. "Sorry, I'll try and shit on your ideas more often."

Even rolled his eyes at that, a habit he had picked up from Isak. "But... uhm... I'm serious. I really don't want to go to college this year."

Isak could sense the change in Even's voice. He was dead serious. Isak could tell now that Even had been thinking about this for a long time.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" Isak asked.

Even looked down at Isak and sighed. "A while. I don't know." Even sighed again. "Maybe since the start of this term?" Even shrugged.

"Have you told your parents?" Isak questioned.

Even shook his head,"No. You're the first person I've told."

Isak nodded, taking all of this in. "Even, it doesn't have to be a big deal. A year off isn't a bad thing. If that's what you want to do, you should do it." Even didn't say anything in response. Isak looked up at Even, trying to gage his reaction. Even was staring into space, clearly deep in thought. Isak didn't want to push, so he looked back down, patiently waiting for Even to say something. Even eventually did.

"It's not that easy, Isak. I mean, if I do take a year off, I want to...." Even didn't know how to continue, didn't know how to tell much less explain all of this to Isak. Even's ideas suddenly all felt so silly. Even didn't want his ideas to get shot down. Not by Isak. "Try something different, I guess."

"Try something different?" Isak asked, visibly nervous.

"That came out wrong. I just-" Even hesitated. "I just feel so trapped here."

"At school?" Isak wondered.

"No, not school. Just everything. Just my whole routine. Oslo." Even at this point had removed his hands from Isak's body completely.

"Oslo?" Isak murmured, now burying his face back into Even's hoodie. Isak didn't want to make any assumptions or panic so he didn't ask any further.

"Yeah. I've been here my whole life, you know?" Even shifted his body so that he was on his side. "I just feel like..." There's nothing left here for me, Even wanted to say. But he knew that would hurt Isak, he knew that wasn't really how he felt either. "I think it'd be nice, just to get away from this city for a bit. I've been talking with Mikael. We've both been talking a lot about the future. He's been out of school for a year now and he's saved up a lot. We've been thinking about traveling." Even looked at Isak, carefully preparing himself for any reaction Isak would have.

Isak was looking at Even now, but his stare was blank. He didn't really know how to respond so he waited for Even to continue, to explain more.

"I think it'd be nice, taking a year off, just to, I don't know... It sounds like a fucking cliche but I just can't go to another year of school, not now. I think it'll be good, to travel, gain some experience. About filmmaking, even. "

"Okay..." Isak said slowly. He didn't really know how to react, what to say, what he even could say. Isak knew how Even was. This wasn't just some fleeting idea. "That's good- really." Isak chose his words very carefully, he didn't want to discourage Even because he knows Even had already thought of every con to his plan. Even had probably already given a lot of thought to all the details- the finances, his bipolar disorder, his parents, _Isak_. Isak wondered if his reaction was better or worse than what Even expected. Judging by Even's face, Isak guessed a lot better. Even looked relieved.

"I don't know, nothing is set in stone." Even said slowly, as if expecting Isak to interject. Isak had nothing to say. Even finally continued when he realized Isak was going to stay silent. "It'll be fun I think. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, I just never thought I would get to. After...after I got diagnosed, everything got really dark. Hopeless even. I really felt like I was being left behind by everyone and I just kind of gave up on everything." Even had opened up to Isak a lot already but even more so lately. It made Isak's heart swell.

"I finally feel like I'm getting past some stuff, I feel like I can actually do what I want. Before, I was being stubborn for no reason. I did things just to spite others, just to feel like I had some control of my life, but in reality I was still a slave to it all." Even stopped for a bit as if gathering his thoughts and continued. "Now, I feel secure enough to actually do what I want."

Isak nodded. "Where are you guys planning to go?"

"Amsterdam first. Mikael has some friends there." Even breathed out, looking up at Isak.

Isak didn't want to do it. Didn't want to be the one to ask the infamous question. Isak and Even as a couple they always took things minute by minute. No thinking about the future, but now, the future was here. The more Isak thought about what Even was saying, the more it felt like some sick goodbye.

"What... about us?" Isak asked. He didn't really care if it was a selfish question, maybe even a stupid question. Isak just wanted to know, prepare himself. Even was always using euphemisms and today, Isak didn't feel like reading between the lines.

Even laughed, but after seeing Isak's face, his face instantly hardened. "I'm not- this won't change things, at least not now, ok? Graduation is still months away. Nothing...nothing is for sure yet. Don't worry, Isak. Minute by minute, right?" Even reassured, gently pressing a small kiss onto Isak's lips.

Isak nodded, deepening the kiss.

It was strange, Even being the one to reassure Isak, but Isak liked this. Isak let himself believe Even. Isak didn't let himself think about the hesitance in Even's voice or Even's careful wording. Isak let himself bask in what they had now, he let himself hope.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s the actual break up doesn't happen until july 2017


	6. irreplaceable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak + even meet up and talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> continuation of chapter 4 (december 2017)

**December 2017**

 Isak sobbed when he got home. To be honest, Isak didn't even know why. It was many things, probably. Maybe it was the shitty weather. It was raining. Or maybe the fact that even after months of trying to rebuild his relationship with his parents, he still didn't know how to talk to them about important stuff, the real stuff. Maybe it was because he just spent the past couple of hours talking to his ex who he hadn't seen much less talked to for 5 months. And maybe it was because despite all that, Isak had felt completely comfortable and open sitting there with Even. So comfortable that he did probably the worst possible thing he could do while meeting an ex.

 Sure, the first couple of minutes were awkward, but the more Isak looked around Even's house and looked at Even, the more Isak realized that not much had changed. Even was still the same. If anything, Even seemed happier. Maybe happy wasn't the right word, thought Isak, after all a person could act and look completely whole and happy, but inside they couldn't be more broken. But Isak supposed that he knew Even well enough to tell when his feelings were fake or genuine. When Even spoke to Isak and told him about everything, filled him in on the past 5 months, Even seemed genuinely excited to share all of his stories. Even seemed genuinely happy talking about his life, his friends, the jobs he'd pick up as he traveled. It was so refreshing to see this for Isak. To see someone he cared about so much, so so content.

 Isak on the other hand, didn't know what to say. How much to say. Even had so much to share, so many funny and tiny little stories to tell Isak. Isak though, felt as he had nothing to share back. After all, Isak wasn't the one who moved out of the country. Everything that had changed for Isak, it all seemed like things Isak couldn't share. It was all too personal. So instead, when Even asked Isak how everything was, Isak refused to talk about his feelings or his parents or his friends. Instead, Isak talked about all the shallow stuff, his job, teachers, all that. Eventually, as time went on though, just being around Even, Isak couldn't hold it all in. Suddenly, he was talking about everything personal-his friends,college, whatever came to mind. Isak was so close to telling Even about how alone he felt. How even though Isak was still surrounded by the same loving people, there were days where he felt like he couldn't talk to anyone. But Isak stopped himself. Isak recognized what he was doing. He was trying to seek comfort in someone who was no longer obligated to provide it. Isak, as he sat on Even's window sill, let himself think about how different things would be if they were still dating. If they were still dating, Isak would be able to tell him these things and Even would've probably hugged him, kissed him, and whispered to Isak how brave and strong he was. Even would've probably told him that it'll all get better soon and that Isak needed to stop feeling guilty, that it wasn't his fault. Even always used to know what to say, and even when he didn't, he still somehow managed to make Isak feel better. Having Even back in front of him was surreal. It was awakening all kinds of emotions for Isak, ones that he had long suppressed.

"Did you ever get homesick?" Isak asked,"I mean, you know, it was the first time you left home and everything so," Isak awkwardly continued. 

Even stared at Isak with that look in his eye. That look that could've meant a million things. "No," Even said honestly. "I mean the first couple of weeks, even months are all just so exciting and new. You hardly have time to really feel it. But, I mean of course eventually it all catches up to yo you. More than the city, I missed the people here. My family, everyone. Some things, people and feelings you just can't replace, ya know?"

Isak knew. He's been trying for the past 5 months to replace the hole that Even had left in his life. With different people, things. He'd failed miserably.

Isak nodded. Fuck it, Isak thought. He was trying so so hard to keep the walls up, but with Even around, it was impossible.

 "I've been talking with my parents." Isak told Even.

 Even nodded, understanding. By the time of the break up, Even had already met Isak's parents multiple times. It helped having Even there when Isak met with his parents. Even made Isak feel instantly more comfortable and open, and Even always managed to draw out conversation from everyone. Even Isak's dad who was normally quiet and stiff around Isak, was more talkative with Even around. Even just had that effect on people, Isak supposed.

 "And, I don't know. It hasn't gotten better really, if anything it's gotten worse," Isak mumbled. For the most part, Isak had kept quiet about this topic around his friends. It was too difficult to try and explain his relationship with his parents to them, too painful. "I- I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels hopeless most times," Isak sighed, but continued, not daring to look at Even. "My mom, she- she has good moments, and it's nice, but somehow someone always manages to say the wrong thing. And most times with my dad, I feel like he doesn't even care, like he does this all out of obligation. Maybe that's why it fucking failed with my parents in the first place. And the college thing- it's awful. They're constantly hounding me about it." Isak had overshared, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to care at that moment. Instead, he looked up at Even.

Even's face looked conflicted, like he didn't quite know what to say or do. Isak panicked. Yeah, he definitely overshared.

"But, uhm, you know, it's not really a big deal," Isak said quickly, trying to recover the light hearted tone of their previous conversation. "It's just, everyone's stressed this time year. I'm sure it'll get better with time. The stress of school has been really testing my patience and I've been selfish too about-"

"Isak," Even interrupted. "It's okay. Don't blame yourself for this. This type of stuff, it takes time and not everything's under your control. I know you Isak, and you're doing your best." Even sighed, as if he was frustrated at Isak himself. He probably was, thought Isak. Even always used to hate seeing Isak be anxious and stressed about these things, even more so, Even hated seeing Isak trying to hide it. "You're not being selfish by taking care of yourself." Even said softly, as if speaking from experience.

Isak was taken aback. Isak didn't expect these kinds of words of comfort from Even, he kinda just threw out some words in the heat of the moment. He was just so fed up and tired, and even if no one else in his life could tell, Even still could. God, Isak had missed him.

"Okay, yeah, I know. I know." Isak replied casually, trying to take back his words. Isak didn't want Even to worry more.

 Even was no longer looking at Isak, but instead outside the window. "You would've really liked Amsterdam."

Isak lifted one of his eyebrows in surprise. "Really, why?"

Even shrugged. "It's just an Isak type of place," Even said, now with a small grin on his face.

Isak couldn't help but laugh at that. "An 'isak type of place'?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Good weather, good people, good city," Even shrugged. "You're pretty easy to please."

 Isak couldn't help but roll his eyes, "Yeah, I guess."

 After that, they stayed quiet.

 Isak finally spoke up,"Even, what happened, uhm...the night of the break up and everything after... I'm just sorry."

 Even looked confused, so Isak took this as his cue to continue, "I shouldn't have made you feel so guilty. Nothing was your fault." Isak looked up at Even expectantly, but Even didn't look like he had anything to say. Isak had a million things to say, but now, looking at Even he felt like he couldn't properly string together a sentence. "Just.. I'm glad you're doing well, you deserve it."

 Even finally looked up at Isak, directly into his eyes. That was probably the most honest Isak has been this whole afternoon. Even gave Isak a small, but genuine smile and nodded. The silence was suffocating for Isak. Isak could tell Even wanted to say something too.

 "I don't blame you, Isak. The whole thing was unfair- for everyone."

Isak couldn't help but disagree. "That's not true," Isak mumbled. "You left because you needed to, because you wanted to. And me of all people should've never blamed you for something like that, invalidated you like that."

Even seemed to sense that Isak wasn't going to let this go so he simply looked down at the ground, not daring to meet Isak's eyes. "Okay, I understand Isak and it's all forgiven. I was never angry at you in the first place. I never looked at it like that- like you were invalidating me. You were surprised and hurt. I understood your reaction then and I understand it now."

 Even still looked like he had a billion thoughts in his head.

* * *

 

Eventually, they put on a movie, and piled onto the couch in Even's room. Isak didn't know how close to sit to Even, but at this point, he didn't really think it mattered. The couch was small and no matter how they sat their shoulders were touching. Isak let himself get comfortable as he snuggled into a blanket that Even had passed him. Initially, they watched the movie in silence, both of them unsure how much and what to say. But, pretty soon, they fell into a natural rhythm of casually exchanging jokes. It was nice, Isak thought, just talking, not about each other, but just enjoying each other's company. 

 Once the movie ended, Isak checked his phone for the first time since he had gotten to Even's. It was already 21. It was so late that Isak almost felt bad. Had he stayed too long? After all, it wasn't like Even could kick Isak out, Isak being the guest and all. Isak looked over at Even who was now turning off the TV.

 "Hungry?" Even asked casually as he stretched his arms.

 Isak thought about what to say for a split second but ended up mumbling out a quiet, "Yeah." 

* * *

 

Around 22, Isak got a text from Eskild.

Eskild:

Where are you?

Isak didn't feel like lying, but he also didn't feel like answering the billion questions that Eskild will no doubt ask if he told the truth.

Isak: 

I'll be home soon. Don't worry.

* * *

 

Isak finally left Even's a little before midnight, albeit a little drunk but mostly guilty.

Fuck, Isak couldn't believe he had done that. There was no way he would be able to live it down, not when everyone finds out.

Isak wasn't a first year anymore yet he was still making such reckless decisions. 

As he rode home, the feeling of guilt started to grow. He could physically feel his stomach knot as he sobered up. As Isak let himself feel the consequences of his actions that night.

By some sort of miracle, all of his roommates were in bed by the time he got home.

Isak finally let himself cry in the safety of his bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays❤️  
> hope you guys enjoyed this monster of a chapter lol  
> comment down below any suggestions ✨


	7. sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak talks to eskild

**December 2017**

Isak cringed as he woke up to his blaring alarm. _Fuck, it was only Tuesday,_ thought Isak. And on top of that, he hadn't done any of his homework from the night before. He prayed that Sana would be in a good mood that she'd let him copy off her.

* * *

  
When Isak got home from school Eskild was laying on the sofa, using his laptop.

"Where is everyone?" Isak asked as he set his backpack on the floor and took a seat across from Eskild.

Eskild shrugged. "Linn's at work and Noora... I'm not really sure."

Isak nodded awkwardly as pulled out his own phone. Every once in a while, Isak would shoot a curious glance at Eskild.

Eskild eyed him suspiciously. Isak would never usually hang around Eskild like this, especially not right after school. In fact, most of the time Isak would retreat to his own room as soon as possible and only come out around dinner. It was an angsty teenager thing, Eskild thought.

"Sooo... what's up, Isak?" Eskild asked, tired of the weird looks Isak kept on giving him when he thought Eskild wasn't looking. Isak definitely wanted to talk.

Isak put away his phone and turned around to face Eskild. Isak didn't know how to go about this. He didn't even know why he wanted to tell Eskild.

"Uhh.... Eskild, you know how I was out last night?" Isak said hesitantly.

Eskild slowly nodded, now scrunching up his face in confusion.

"Well, I was actually at Even's house." Isak carefully said.

"Even's?" Eskild asked seeming genuinely confused. "He's back in town?"

"Uhh yeah. He's only been back for a little while. He's back for the holidays." Isak confirmed.

"Okay, why were you over at his house?" Eskild prompted.

Isak shrugged, now running his fingers through his hair. "I reached out and he invited me over," Isak mumbled. Eskild raised his eyebrows at that. "Just to catch up!" Isak quickly clarified.

Eskild looked like he doubted Isak's words but his face had now softened. "Okay. So, uhm, how was it? How is Even?" Eskild questioned.

"Fine," Isak said, playing with the sofa cushions. "He seemed really happy."

Eskild nodded again. This was the first time in a while that Isak had seen Eskild act so quiet and careful in a conversation. To be quite honest, that scared Isak even more.

"So, are you guys going to meet again or..." Eskild said, letting his words hang in the air.

Isak contemplated his options. Now was the time to run back to his room. Now was the time to tell Eskild that this was all a joke, but Isak couldn't.

Isak sighed, trying to mentally prepare himself for Eskild's reaction. "I don't know. It was going really well. We just talked, caught up, you know. It was friendly the whole night. But then it all kind of went to hell. We started drinking a little, talking about personal stuff," Isak shrugged, he didn't think he could explain his thought process from last night, he was just so fucking out of it. "I don't know-it just happened..."

Eskild had now put away his laptop, his eyes completely fixed on Isak. "Did you guys...?"

"No! What the hell- no!" Isak said defensively. "It wasn't like that." Isak turned his head, not quite knowing how to confess this to Eskild. It hurt just to think about it. "We... we were just talking and you know since it was a school night, " Isak took a deep breath. "I told him I had to leave. I guess I sounded sad or something, I don't really know. He ended up asking me what was wrong and I started spouting all sorts of bullshit. I told him I missed him and ... I kissed him."

Eskild at this point was laughing. "What the fuck is so funny?" Isak asked, genuinely perplexed by Eskild's reaction.

Eskild stopped laughing and was now just looking at Isak sympathetically. "Nothing. I'm just surprised, I never thought... I'm just shocked, that's all. I mean your ex just came back to town and you kissed him. It's like a corny Hallmark movie!"

"Yeah..." Isak replied lamely and slumped further into into the couch.

"So... what happened after you kissed him?" Eskild asked, all humor suddenly gone from his voice after realizing how upset Isak really was.

It was Isak's turn to laugh now. This was where the story went from pathetic to humiliating. "Actually, you can hardly call it a kiss. He pushed me away before anything could really happen." Isak murmured. Telling this to Eskild felt like he was reliving the night all over again. "He told me I was drunk and that he didn't want me doing anything I would come to regret."

Eskild nodded, understanding. "Okay... Just how drunk were you, Isak?"

"Not enough, apparently. I still remember everything," Isak breathed out, playing with his hands. "Fuck, Eskild, it wasn't even the alcohol. I... I don't know, I just wasn't in the right state of mind altogether."

"Isak, do you... still like him?"

Isak didn't know how to respond to that. But of course, leave it to Eskild to ask him up front. Isak should've been prepared for these questions. Isak liked being honest but this was too far. He couldn't confess this stuff out loud, especially not to Eskild. Especially because Isak didn't know himself. Did he like Even? Yeah, thought Isak. That much he knew. But at the same time, Isak was old enough to know that you don't have to act on every one of your emotions, in fact, you probably shouldn't.

"No, Eskild," Isak huffed, already tired from the conversation. "I don't know. Does it even matter? If anything it's more of a feeling of... nostalgia? I think I just miss having someone," Isak shrugged. Isak felt so, so small like this. He didn't even know himself if he was telling the truth.

Eskild hummed in response now wrapping an arm around Isak. Isak wasn't the biggest fan of physical affection at times like these but he didn't move away.

Isak was growing more and more anxious as the conversation continued. To this day, Isak hadn't really elaborated on his break up with Even. Isak just told everyone that Even was moving and that they were now over. Everyone was shocked at the news. Even had managed to keep his move a secret from pretty much everyone but Isak and his parents. On top of that, no one expected that Isak and Even of all people would break up, especially without even trying a long distance relationship. Now, 5 months later, Isak still didn't feel ready to disclose all the details of the break up. Despite all that, sitting there with Eskild made him want to spill it all out. He had been ignoring it all for so long. Isak couldn't go on like this. Isak thought about all his friends and wondered what they thought of Even after Isak told them the news. Did they think he was some heartless asshole? Did they pity Isak? Probably yes to both, thought Isak. Isak internally cringed at the thought. He suddenly felt this stinging desire to explain himself fully.

"Honestly Eskild, I...," Isak hesitated, not really knowing how to continue. "I mainly met up with Even because I wanted to apologize, for the night of the break up. I said some harsh things that night. I spat out bullshit about how he's always the one fucking leaving," Isak was so close to tears now but he hoped he was hiding it well. "I...I just said... a lot of things that I know got to him. I just feel guilty looking back. He didn't deserve all that and I needed to let him know."

Eskild softly scoffed. "Isak, he broke up with you like what- a week before he left the country? I don't think anyone blames you for the way you reacted. What? You said some harsh things during the break up? We've all been there. You don't have to feel guilty about this stuff forever. It's ok for you to move on Isak."

Isak nodded though he didn't really agree with all of that. When Isak looked up again, he saw Eskild's eyes on him.

Eskild sighed and continued, "Isak, you deserve to move on, even more so now that you've apologized to Even. You're a great guy and you have such a big heart but you need to stop feeling so guilty about everything. Not everything's your fault. Some things should stay in the past. I know you Isak, and...and I know you still like Even but maybe last night happened for a reason." Eskild stopped for a bit and gently rubbed Isak's back as if to soften the blow. "You've grown so much, you know that? I just want you to be happy Isak, with or without Even."

The sudden heartfelt talk triggered something in Isak and he just broke down. Isak was crying so much lately. He hated it. He moved away from Eskild, now wrapping his arms around himself. "I know," Isak said, because he did. All the things Eskild were telling him now were all the things Isak had been trying to repeat to himself since last night. "I know all of that but...last night...it was so bad. It all got really bad for me-again. When I tried to kiss him and he pushed me away, it felt like I was getting broken up with all over again. It wasn't even the alcohol that pushed me to kiss him, I was barely buzzed," Isak bitterly laughed as he thought about Even's reaction. "You should've seen his face after I told him I missed him. I don't know, maybe I did go into his house just hoping that everything would be alright with us, like before, if we just talked again," Isak confessed. "No one understands like Even. I'm just so tired of missing him." There was so much more Isak wanted to say, but this was enough, for now. He was sobbing now, barely able to talk and rubbed his hands hard against his eyes, trying to get the tears to stop.

"I know, Isak, I know," Eskild whispered, now moving to stroke Isak's hair. Isak gave in to the comfort and laid down on the couch, exhausted.

* * *

 

When Isak woke up only half an hour later, Eskild was still in the living room, distracted on his phone. Isak slowly got up and grabbed his backpack from where it was sitting on the floor. He hoped Eskild wouldn't notice or at the very least wouldn't try to talk to him. Just as Isak started to walk out, Eskild softly called out.

"Isak?"

Isak stopped in his tracks but didn't look back at, "Yeah?"

"Don't go see him again," Eskild called out softly.

Isak silently cursed. He had definitely shared too much.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed ❤️❤️ even and all of isak's friends will definitely be in the next chapter  
> sorry for any mistakes


	8. freezing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak goes out with his friends

 

* * *

**December 2017**

Isak pulled out his phone during math class, desperate to entertain himself. Tomorrow was Friday and Isak was itching to go out. After all, he missed his boys.

Isak:  
Hey, what's the plan for Friday? i can bring beer  
Mahdi:  
Finally coming out??  
Magnus:  
Nothing yet  
But now we have to find somewhere good guys!! issy's coming  
Isak:  
You act like I died, I went out with you guys like last month  
Jonas:  
Finally issy!!  
btw there's a party at adrians  
Mahdi:  
That's too far  
Jonas:  
Okkkkkk  
Then someone wanna ask Eva? she always knows the best parties  
Isak:  
I'll ask

* * *

  
The past couple of days Eskild and Isak's interactions have been scarce yet intense. Eskild was always looking at Isak, as if silently asking if he was okay. He was.

"Hey, Eskild," Isak finally said one night over dinner, tired of the awkward interactions. "Thanks-for everything. And I just want you to know I'm taking your advice so... you...you can stop worrying." Eskild looked taken aback by Isak's sudden boldness. Isak was never this open with Eskild, at least not from the get go.

"No problem-I'm your guru," Eskild teased, desperately trying to lighten the mood. "It's the least I can do."

"Yeah, yeah," Isak muttered rolling his eyes.

Everything would be okay. Isak wasn't lying this time. 

* * *

 

Isak glanced at the clock. It was nearly 22. He supposed now was as good time as any to call Eva. In the past year, Eva and him had gotten closer again. It wasn't the same but it was still good. Eva always took forever to pick up, but she always answered.

"Hey, what's up?" Eva finally said, sounding quite tired.

"Uhh, not much," Isak mumbled, "Are you busy?"

Eva sighed loudly into the phone, "No- I wish. I'm doing math homework..."

Isak couldn't help but laugh, "Fuck- I forgot about that." He would do it later.

"Me, too!" Eva huffed, "I was already in bed and then I remembered. I nearly failed my last exam so..."

"Yeah, you and half the class," Isak remarked. It was true. "Let's check answers later?"

Eva hummed back in response. " Anyway, how is everything?"

"Good," Isak responded, maybe a little too quickly. "Actually, uh the boys and I were discussing plans for Friday. There's a party at Adrian's but it's too far so do you know any other parties we could go to?"

"When did I become your personal event planner?" Eva asked, sounding genuinely annoyed.

"Come on, Eva," Isak whined. "We need you." Isak was trying to be cute even though he knew she was just joking. He knew he didn't have to put this much effort in- Eva had a soft spot for him- but he tried anyway.

Eva giggled into the phone, "Isak, your whiny voice doesn't work on me anymore."

Isak pouted into the phone, amused. A few seconds later, Eva dramatically sighed into the phone. Isak smiled, he knew he had already won.

\---------------------------------------

Isak and Eva ended up talking on the phone for a couple of hours. They didn't talk often, but when they did, they somehow managed to talk for hours on end. By the time Eva said good night, Isak was left with a huge smile plastered on his face. It was always nice talking to Eva, she was insanely wise and funny, without really meaning to be. She had changed so much, in a good way. They both had. It was strange, the friendship they had, but it was nice. Eva reminded him of younger Isak. Sometimes it was nice to look back and see just how far you came, and somehow Eva always managed to make him feel better. And as a bonus, Isak managed to set up plans for Friday.

Isak:  
Good news  
Jonas:  
?  
Isak:  
Eva said there's a party we can go to on Friday. Chris' friend is hosting so there's gonna be a lot of college students there.  
I'll forward the details later  
Mahdi:  
Nice  
Magnus:  
Jeez  
Eva does know about all the good parties  
i'm pumped!!!  
Jonas:  
Sweet

* * *

 

The party, to no one's surprise was an absolute hit. As the boys walked in, they all gawked at the ridiculously pretty girls filing into the house. Isak just laughed, finding all of this way too amusing and reminiscent of old times. The energy was high and Isak was in a good mood tonight. Isak was determined to have fun, and judging by the party, it wouldn't be very hard.

Once they were all inside they all quickly headed their own ways. Magnus quickly excused himself to find some second year girl he was stuck on, Mahdi went to hit on some third years and Jonas went to dance with a college girl who he swore was eyeing him when he walked in. Most other parties, the boys would stick together, in a corner or a secluded room until each of them found someone to hook up with and bounced. This party though was different. All the boys were too over excited and eager to waste anytime finding their respective hookups. To be honest, Isak didn't really mind. Though generally Isak didn't love partying, he was getting so much more comfortable being at them alone. Isak spotted Eva from across the room and shot her a wave. She excitedly waved back and called him over.

"Hey, Isak!" Eva yelled, clearly buzzed. "You made it! Where's everyone else?"

Isak shrugged,"Trying to get laid, I guess. Did anyone else we know come?"

Eva shook her head,"Just Vilde tonight, the other girls were busy..." Isak liked Vilde, he really did, but they weren't going to be hanging out, at least not at college parties anytime soon.

Isak nodded, "Chris?"

Eva laughed. Isak and Chris also became friends. It was awkward at first, their only common thread being Eva, but after a while their friendship came easy. They weren't close or anything but they often talked at parties, sometimes smoked together too. "Yeah, he's here too. He's probably out by the pool or something though. Don't try and steal my man-again." Eva joked.

"I'll try not to," Isak said laughing. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, for sure," Eva quickly nodded as she disappeared back into the crowd.

Isak then grabbed a drink from the kitchen and headed towards the pool.

* * *

 

There weren't many people in the yard, considering it was December but Isak liked the more  
intimate atmosphere outside. The music was not nearly as loud and there was a lot more space to move around. Isak never made it to Chris though, his eyes locked onto one of the boys he met early in the year. Jakob. He was wearing a black jacket and standing in a group circle with his friends. He didn't look all that engaged though.

Once Isak held his gaze, he smiled at Jakob, hoping it got him to walk over. It did.

Isak liked Jakob. It was easy with him. He didn't go to Nissen, they were the same age and best of all there were no expectations between them. They had hooked up a couple times at different parties during the term, but they still kept it casual. Although basically everyone at Nissen knew about Even and Isak, he had never officially come out. He didn't feel obligated to, and so he never did. It didn't really matter because everyone knew anyway. At least about the gay part. They never interacted outside of weekend parties and Isak was thankful for that. It allowed Isak to be whoever he wanted to be with Jakob. No messed up family life, no high school drama, no ex boyfriend- just Isak.

"Hey," Isak greeted.

"Hey, yourself," Jakob smiled back easily."Where have you been? I haven't seen you at a party in ages. I almost thought about asking one of your friends."

Isak smirked, he couldn't lie, Jakob was incredibly endearing when he wanted to be. "Missed me?" Isak teased.

"Something like that," Jakob replied. Isak looked at Jakob carefully. 

Isak was determined for this night to be a good one. Isak didn't like the idea of random hook ups but he also didn't really like the idea of waiting around for someone to come court him. So... Jakob was a nice compromise.

When Isak reached inside his pocket, trying to warm up his freezing hands. His hands brushed against his cell phone as it vibrated rapidly. Isak pulled out his phone to check. It was probably just Mahdi or Magnus texting the group chat. But when he saw the notifications on his screen, his heart dropped.

 **Mama** :  
Isak?  
Isak can you call me?  
Isak, never mind. Don't worry about it.

 **Papa** :  
Isak, can you check up on your mom?  
Isak?

Isak's blood instantly drained from his face. He never knew with his mom, this could be an actual emergency or it could just be a false alarm. Either way, it was terrifying for Isak.

"Everything okay?" Jakob asked, now clearly concerned.

Isak didn't respond for what felt like an hour, feeling completely sick. "I need to go," Isak muttered not bothering to wait for a response from Jakob. Isak pushed through the crowds of people in the yard, hardly paying attention. He was growing increasingly frustrated with everyone in his way. He elbowed his way through the crowd, ignoring the dirty looks and profanities yelled his way.

Isak finally made it out of the yard and practically ran down the street, trying to get away from the noise of the party while dialing his mom's number. He prayed she would pick up.

"Please pick up... please pick up!" Isak yelled at his phone. He didn't want this to be like last time. The voice mail message began and Isak cursed. He dialed her number again and again. His anxiety was getting the best of him and his hands were shaking. He finally decided to call his dad as a last resort. Isak hated reaching out to his dad,especially for this.

"Hello? Isak?" His dad answered, sounding way too casual for the situation. That only made Isak more frustrated.

"I...I tried calling mama but she," Isak was trying to keep his voice steady but he was practically hyperventilating,"She wouldn't pick up!"

"Isak...calm down. I got in touch with her and she's fine. She...she just went through another one of her moods."

Isak let out a sigh of relief. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath. "Okay, that's...that's good."

"Isak, you need to pay attention and answer your phone. When I called, Mama was asking for you. You know she relies on you a lot, especially now." Isak didn't need his dad to remind him.

"I know," Isak spit out. "Anyway, bye. I have to go."

Isak was so tired of this but he already made a promise to himself that this time he'd do better. He _wanted_ to do better. He typed out a text to his mom. A text would have to do for now.

 **Isak** :  
Mama, I'm sorry I didn't answer. I didn't check my phone. It won't happen again.  
How are you?  
Is it okay if I come over tomorrow for lunch?

Isak hadn't visited her for quite some time now and he knew he couldn't put it off for any longer. He knew he couldn't help his mom, at least not in the way he wanted, but she didn't deserve to be alone. Isak typed out one more text, hoping it'd make both of them feel better.

 **Isak** :  
Also Mama, I think we should spend Christmas together. Just the two of us. I love you.

Suddenly, as Isak sent the text someone put a hand on his shoulder. He was expecting it to be a stranger, maybe even Jonas but instead it was the last person he thought he'd see tonight. Even.

Even was dressed casually, not even wearing a jacket. His face was flushed from the cold. He reeked of alcohol and Isak couldn't help but wonder if he was drinking that night.

"Isak, is everything okay? Thomas...uhm saw you run out. He said you were on the phone." Even said, his hands buried in his pockets. Of course Even had come to the party with Thomas.

"Yeah, I was but everything's okay now," Isak quietly said, not quite meeting Even's eyes. He moved away from Even's touch and pulled his hood up- it was fucking freezing. Isak thought that by now, after countless pep talks that he'd given himself, he'd be able to face Even. Tell him himself that everything he did that one night was a drunken mistake. Maybe even tell him to fuck off and worry about himself. But now standing there, Even so close, all Isak felt was that same desperation. It was embarrassing, even. He was standing in the middle of the street- probably looking crazy with tear stained cheeks and shaking hands. It was like he was some helpless animal and he hated it. Isak felt so weak, so stupid. He had been doing so well tonight. He was out. He was with Jakob. He was _trying_. But even after all of this, he couldn't find it in himself to be cold towards Even. Still, he didn't want to have this conversation.

By fate or some God that Isak didn't believe in, Jakob came out on the street too. Isak looked at Jakob in shock. Isak didn't think Jakob would check on him. Isak locked eyes with Jakob, hoping that he was somehow communicating the words "save me from this conversation" with just his eyes. Even soon realized that Isak was looking behind him, and turned around, surprised to see another guy standing there.

"Isak?" Jakob called out, now standing directly across from Isak. Isak didn't respond but jst looked between the two guys in front of him. Jakob seemed to feel the tension in the air and gently wrapped his arm around Isak. It was a gesture made more out of concern than affection though.

"Let's go back inside, it's freezing," Jakob mumbled out, taking the lead as he walked towards the house, his arm still around Isak. Isak nodded, only giving Even a tight lipped smile as a goodbye.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took sooo long for an update :( next update will be out this week. thanks for all the feedback!!!


	9. bad timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak's night wraps up

After they reached the backyard of the house, Jakob hesitantly took his arm off of Isak. Jakob had never seen Isak this tense, and quite frankly it was freaking him out.

"Isak? Are you okay?" Jakob asked, trying his best to stay calm. He didn't want to freak out Isak even more.

"Yeah," Isak said quickly, blowing hot breath onto his hands. "Let's go back inside, it's too cold."

Isak didn't wait for Jakob to respond and lead the way back inside the house. Jakob easily trailed behind. More people had arrived at the party and the music was blasting. The uncomfortable atmosphere only made Isak's anxiety worse. Isak looked around for his friends but couldn't spot any of them in the crowd. Maybe they had found their girl for the night. Isak was tired and tense, but he didn't want to go home yet. This was the first time he'd gone out in a while, and this one of the better parties of the year anyway. He didn't want to let his parents and Even dampen his spirits. Isak thought back to Eskild's advice, and for the first time he was almost proud of himself. At least he had walked away from Even. Granted, it took some help from Jakob.

"Can we...go upstairs or something? It's really loud and crowded down here," Isak practically yelled into Jakob's ear. The music was blasting, and Isak needed to get as far away as he could from the crowd. 

Jakob nodded, still looking concerned. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go."

\----------------

They walked up the stairs of the house, side by side. The upstairs was almost just as packed as the downstairs, but they managed to find a small corner bedroom. The room was tiny and trashed but it was good enough for Isak. Once Isak was inside, he took a seat on a beanbag in the corner of the room, cursing himself for forgetting to get more beer. Jakob walked in after Isak taking a seat next to him on the floor.

"Isak, who was that guy you were talking to outside?" Jakob's tone was casual, but Isak could tell he was concerned.

Isak hated this. Why did Jakob have to ask? Normally, Jakob would avoid prying into Isak's personal life. In fact, it was almost like an unspoken rule. Now though, Isak realized just how worried and shaken up he must've looked to Jakob. "Uh, he saw me on the phone and was just asking me if everything was ok. He used to go to Nissen," Isak spit out, hoping that would satisfy Jakob's curiosity. "Oh, and uhh... sorry for freaking out earlier, my roommates were spamming my phone and I thought that something bad must've happened."

Jakob looked surprised, but then broke out into a small smile. "Okay. So are your roommates okay?"

"Yeah. They like prank calls," Isak said smiling back as if that explained everything.

Jakob knit his brows together but didn't question Isak any further. Nor did he ask Isak about his living situation. Isak hadn't meant to let it slip that he lived with roommates but he supposed it didn't matter much now, especially because Jakob didn't care to ask about the specifics.

Jakob was pretty good at social cues though, and changed the topic.

"Want some?" Jakob asked, offering Isak his can of beer. Isak happily accepted, downing the whole can.

Jakob pretended to look offended, "Hey! I was fucking drinking that!"

Isak laughed and then crushed the can, throwing it next to him on the floor. "You offered," Isak smirked.

"Yeah, some- not the whole damn thing," Jakob huffed. "Anyway...you never answered. Where have you been? You just went ghost."

Isak shrugged, "School and work take up most of my time. Plus, I'm not really a party person."

"Yeah, I can tell," Jakob joked, now toying with the beer can.

This conversation wasn't going anywhere and Isak only really wanted one thing tonight anyway. He could use the distraction. Isak didn't know when he got so bold, perhaps it was a case of liquid courage but he leaned in, merely centimeters from Jakob's face. Jakob got the hint, and leaned in the rest of the way. Isak was more eager than usual, gripping the back of Jakob's neck to try and force him closer.

Jakob responded well, kissing Isak back just as aggressively. He broke away after a few seconds, pulling away to give Isak a smirk, clearly enjoying Isak's new found enthusiasm. He was enjoying this way too much, thought Isak as he rolled his eyes and began to kiss Jakob again. 

The door suddenly swung open, and Jakob quickly jumped away from Isak, more in surprise than in shame. Isak opened his eyes and was surprised to see none other than Jonas, his arm hooked around a tall brunette girl. Jonas seemed both mortified and apologetic when he realized who he had just walked in on. Isak at this point, could care less. Jonas knew about his thing with Jakob.

Isak slowly got up from where he was sitting, and walked towards the door, deciding to leave the room to Jonas and...whoever that girl was. Isak didn't recognize her, yet knowing Jonas, it was probably a college girl. Isak gave a quick congratulatory grin to Jonas on the way out. Jakob, stunned at the encounter, sat and watched as Isak left the room. Jakob couldn't help but be bitter that Isak had given up the room so easily, and scoffed at Jonas on the way out.

Isak walked over to the stairs and waited for Jakob to join him. Isak was already sobering up and when he checked his phone he saw that it was already past midnight. His nerves were starting to kick in as he mentally calculated the amount of hours until he'd have to see him mom again. She hadn't replied yet, but Isak knew that it was probably because she was either too hysterical to respond or sleeping. Isak hoped for the latter. As Jakob walked out the room he shut the door behind him.

"Your friend has game, but kinda rude for him to kick us out like that. We could've stayed- the more the merrier, right?," Jakob said, eyebrows shooting up. Isak just nodded, distracted. Isak was no longer in the mood to keep up any sort of social interaction. Isak couldn't keep up with the jokes, not that they were really all that funny. Jakob noticed Isak tense up again. Normally Isak would've laughed at the stupid jokes, just for the hell of it.

"Hey, seriously, is everything okay? You've been out of it all night." Jakob asked, clearly freaked out at Isak's response, or lack thereof. The mood had shifted, and Isak was suddenly more disinterested than ever.

"I'm fine," Isak reassured. Isak really wasn't. He couldn't shake the sinking feeling off. He was drinking, but the alcohol didn't give him the desired effect. He wasn't in the mood for any of this anymore, in fact there was no other .

The both of them eventually found a couch downstairs to sit. They sat side by side, squished together. Isak struggled to keep up his usual banter, instead taking the more silent approach. He scanned the room as Jakob talked, not really sure what or who he was looking for. They had been talking for a long time, about nothing and everything. It was getting harder and harder for Isak to even feign interest. Isak was at least thankful that Jakob didn't make any attempts to touch Isak. Maybe he did, but every time Jakob brushed against Isak, Isak backed away and avoided eye contact. After what felt like hours, Isak spotted Jonas, surprised to see he was alone. Isak pulled out his phone. It was late, and Jakob and him had been chatting for way longer than he anticipated. Isak didn't really want to stick around for much longer.

He just had to go home. "Look, sorry Jakob...but I'm gonna go home."

Jakob scoffed, clearly annoyed and out of patience with Isak's attention span, or lack thereof. "Yeah whatever you want, man," Jakob said. Isak didn't have the patience to apologize again and just gave Jakob a small smile instead as he began to walk towards Jonas. Isak knew how Jakob expected the night to go very differently than it just did. Hell, even Isak was hoping to get lucky that night, but then his mom came up and everything came crashing down. Reality hit him, and suddenly all Isak could think about was his mom. And to really make it a night to remember, Even was at the party too.Isak allowed himself a few seconds to feel bad for himself, and then continued to walk through the crowd.

Jonas was pouring himself a drink when he spotted Isak. He cocked his head in greeting. "What's up? Did something happen with Jakob or...?"

Isak quickly shook his head. "No- nothing happened."

"Sorry, man. Didn't mean to barge in and ruin your fun... You had the room first," Jonas said, sounding a little guilty. Isak wanted to laugh. He couldn't care less about getting interrupted at this point.

"It's chill- nothing was gonna happen tonight anyway." Isak said, now leaning back on the kitchen table. Jonas furrowed his brows at the remark, clearly asking for some explanation. Isak sighed- it was pointless trying to hide things from Jonas. Isak had learned that the hard way. So... he tried to explain.

"It's my mom," Isak said carefully, trying to gage Jonas' response. Jonas' face instantly hardened at the mention of Isak's mom. "I just keep thinking about her. But uhh.. don't worry. Nothing actually happened. False alarm." Those words seemed to have eased Jonas instantly, the frown lines instantly disappearing.

"That's good nothing happened. How... how is your mom anyway?"

Isak expected this question. Jonas and him didn't talk about this stuff often- if ever. The whole topic was off limits for the most part. He still hadn't told Mahdi or Magnus the whole or even part of the story, and he wasn't really sure he wanted to. At this point, Eskild and Jonas were the only ones who really knew about his mom. "She's good. I'm actually meeting her for lunch tomorrow so I was thinking I should just go home."

Jonas nodded, downing the rest of the drink. "I'll come with." Isak wanted to tell Jonas to stay, but Jonas was already heading out towards the door.

Isak was too out of it to argue, especially with someone who had grown as protective of him as Jonas. Plus, he supposed he could use a friend for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #josak rise lmao  
> the next chapter is one of my favorites. it shows a lot more of jonas+isak's friendship and the actual break up b/w isak and even   
> thanks for the feedback and support as always :)


	10. kissed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak and even reunite

  
Isak followed Jonas out. Neither of them had taken their bike to the party. Instead they had all just chosen to walk to the party in a big group. It wasn't the smartest idea to begin with, considering it was the middle of winter, but now more than ever, Isak began to regret that decision. They were hardly out the door when Isak suddenly stopped walking, shivering harshly.

Jonas noticed that Isak wasn't following anymore and turned back. He quietly laughed, amused at Isak who was now trying to bury his face in his jacket. "Cold?"

Cold was an understatement. "Ya... more like fucking freezing."

Jonas laughed again. Jonas never laughed this much sober, thought Isak. Plus, it wasn't even like this situation was all that funny.

"So... do you wanna get a cab or something?" Jonas asked, seeing as Isak wasn't all that amused. Now taking his beanie off and pulling it down Isak's head. Cute, thought Jonas.

Isak shook his head. "No, it's only like a 15 minute walk to your place." Jonas was surprised, he wasn't expecting Isak invite himself over.

"You wanna go to my place?" Jonas asked.

Isak nodded hesitantly. "It's closer. Is that okay? I'll probably end up taking the bus back to mine in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah of course. I'm just surprised, you haven't spent the night in a while."

Jonas was right, Isak didn't sleep over at Jonas' very often. When they hung out, Jonas often came over to his and even that had turned into a rare occurrence. They didn't really hang out alone anymore-not like this.

They continued walking out towards the street in silence, both of them too distracted in their own thoughts. Jonas felt bad for Isak, he really, really did. It felt even worse because there was nothing Jonas could do to help. Isak was like a brick wall most times. Closed off. Impenetrable. He wondered if tonight Isak would maybe open up. He hadn't talked to Jonas in a while about his personal life, and Jonas missed it. He missed being someone Isak trusts.

Jonas' thoughts were interrupted when a voice called out.

"Isak-wait!" a tall figure shouted, quickly walking out of the party house.

Both Jonas and Isak whipped their heads around at the sound. Jonas couldn't believe his eyes. His blood instantly boiled at the sight of the older boy. What the hell was he doing here? Jonas couldn't believe that Even was standing there, calling out for Isak of all people. The fucking nerve, thought Jonas. Jonas knew that Even was back in town but he didn't expect them to meet like this- or ever for that matter.

Isak froze in his tracks and Jonas' hands began to curl into fists as Even began to approach Isak.

Jonas didn't like where this was going, and if there's one thing he could do, it was protect Isak from the very person who broke him. Isak was already having a rough night and Jonas didn't want Even to make it even worse. Jonas wasn't one for confrontation, but he wasn't exactly a pacifist either.

"Fuck off," Jonas practically spit out before Even could get any closer, stepping in front of Isak. Even raised his eyebrows, taken aback by Jonas' angry tone. Jonas had always been a little standoffish with Even, but he'd never acted like this.

"We're leaving," Jonas added for good measure. Jonas then turned his attention away from Even and wrapped his arm around Isak. "Come on, Isak. It's late, we should go," Jonas then said as softly as possible, trying to get Isak out of his trance. Since Even had called out for Isak, Isak hadn't said a word. He had hardly even blinked. Instead he just stared blankly at Even.

Even, apparently didn't get the message as he continued to walk over, acting as if Jonas wasn't even there.

Running on pure adrenaline and maybe some alcohol, Jonas decided to take matters into his own hands. Hardly thinking, Jonas sped up, walking to Even and shoved him- hard- against the nearby brick wall. Even pushed back in defense, and Jonas was practically on fire.

Isak didn't go over to pull Jonas away, but just watched on in horror. It was dark, and there weren't many people around, but the few people there had all turned their attention to the sudden fight.

Even finally threw his hands up as if to surrender but he still didn't walk away. Jonas very slowly took his hands off of Even.

"Seriously, get the fuck away," Jonas muttered to Even, this time a little more composed. He was still raging, but clearly, Even wasn't responding to that anger very well... So, he tried a more diplomatic approach. That didn't work either though, as Even still didn't budge. If anything, Even looked more determined than ever to get Isak's attention.

Frustrated at Even's responce, Jonas pushed him again,even harder this time.

Isak couldn't just stand by.

"Jonas! Stop, relax," Isak yelled, tugging on Jonas' sleeve. "It's fine, Jonas." Isak then tightened his grip on Jonas' shoulder to turn him around and looked him straight in the eye, sending him a silent plea. Jonas finally snapped out of his fit of rage and weakly put his arms to his side.

"Sorry," Jonas murmured to Isak, feeling more embarrassed than ever. He didn't really feel bad for shoving Even, he just felt more upset that Isak didn't seem to want his help. "I'm drunk and I..." Jonas shrugged, realizing that he didn't really want or need to explain himself further. They all knew that Jonas hadn't started the fight because he was drunk. It was something he would probably do again sober.

"It's fine," Isak said quietly. "Just... can you try and keep your hands to yourself for the rest of the night?" Isak hoped that the words didn't come out too harsh but they probably did. He appreciated Jonas, he really did, but the last thing he needed was for a fist fight to break out between his ex and best friend.

Jonas scoffed at the condescending comment but nodded. "Let's go now. I can't keep that promise if we stay," Jonas half joked. Isak considered Jonas' words and sighed. He decided that it was probably best not to push it- he felt bad. He felt bad for Jonas. He felt bad that Jonas had practically fought Even on his behalf. He felt bad for his mom. He felt bad for himself. What was he even thinking? Every decision he'd made the past weeks have seemed to be wrong. So, in an effort to change all of that, and make up for all his mistakes, Isak slowly began to take the lead and start to walk away from Even. Jonas was probably following close behind. All Isak told himself as he walked away is that soon he would be in bed, happy that he'd decided to walk away from Even. At least that's what Isak hoped. It didn't really matter though because a few seconds later, Even was calling out for Isak again. And Isak was listening. Isak turned around and he just knew. It would be over soon... his icy resolve would probably all just melt away. Maybe it already had.

"Isak... please...before you go- can we talk? Please, Isak." Even asked, voice firm but his face soft. Isak had never heard Even sound so desperate... maybe it was all in his head. Maybe Isak was the desperate one but it didn't matter. He wanted to stay. All things aside- he wanted to talk to Even.

Before Isak could even reply, Jonas was back to yelling at Even. "Did you not hear a word I said to you tonight? You can't just ask that- we're literally about to leave and-"

Isak reached out placing a hand on Jonas' shoulder.

"It's fine, Jonas." Isak said. He was too tired to even try and argue with Jonas. "Jonas... please. I know you want to help but... can you just go back inside, for now?"

Jonas nearly laughed at the ridiculous request but there was nothing humorous about the situation. "You're seriously gonna talk to him? Right now?"

Isak shrugged, "Yes. Just please, don't make this any harder for me, Jonas," Isak knew those words would get to Jonas. 

Jonas' face softened for a moment and although he was still furious he eventually mumbled, "Okay. I'm sorry Isak, I... Just... I'll go- if that's what you want. I'll be inside- just...just...call me when you're ready to go."

Jonas then reached out, giving Isak one last squeeze on his shoulder.

Jonas began to slowly make his way towards the house, shooting a glare at Even as he walked off.

Once Jonas disappeared back inside the house, the tension between Isak and Even somehow managed to thicken.

Even spoke first.

"Sorry. I...didn't mean to cause a scene," Even apologized carefully.

Isak didn't say anything back, opting to stare at his shoes instead.

"Uhm... anyway," Even said, even softer this time. "Are you okay? The phone call- was it about your mom?"

At the mention of his mom, Isak's head snapped up. He wished he wasn't so easy to read. Isak shook his head no. He put on his best poker face and finally looked up at Even. Even had a serious, pensive look on his face. Isak hated it.

"You did all of this to ask me about my mom? You almost fought Jonas to fucking ask me about this?" Isak snapped. "Jonas was right. I shouldn't have agreed to this. Like I said Even... I'm fine! Leave it alone."

Even didn't seem surprised or hurt at the harsh words thrown his way. He knew that Isak was all bark but no bite. Isak was just frustrated and angry at the world.

"Okay...fine. We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to but... can you just sit with me for a bit?" Even asked with as much care as possible, knowing he was walking on thin ice.

Isak hesitantly nodded. Both Isak and Even made their way to a nearby bench.

A gust of wind blew as they sat down and Isak was suddenly aware of just how cold it was. Looking at Even, Isak felt bad so he took off his jacket and silently handed it over to Even. Even only had on a thin t-shirt and flannel yet he was still sitting with Isak in the 30 degree weather. It was cruel to leave him shivering, thought Isak, ex or not. Even looked up in surprise but took Isak's jacket without any argument, slipping it on.

Even didn't make anymore efforts at conversation but Isak didn't mind too much.

Isak scooted closer to Even. It was cold, Isak reasoned. Even didn't flinch or move at all as Isak got braver, now moving so close that there was no space between them at all.

It was hardly a nice night. It was windy and bitterly cold, but Isak found himself almost at peace for the first time since he had recived those phone calls. He pulled out his phone again to check to see if his mom had texted back. She hadn't. Isak sighed loudly, pocketing his phone and getting up from the bench.

"Good chat...and all but I... I have to go," Isak mumbled to Even, tired of the silence. Nothing was going to happen tonight- or ever- and Isak needed to except that. Isak couldn't help but glance at Even for his reaction though. Even-surprisingly-was looking back at Isak completely stone faced.

Even's eyes, like usual, were intense. Isak felt almost self conscious under his gaze but Isak stared back.

Then, with no warning, Even pressed his lips firmly against Isak and pulled Isak back onto the bench. It was just a chaste kiss, but Isak knew the second that Even's lips met his, it was all over.

Even pulled back, and scanned Isak's face with his eyes, stopping at his lips. Isak did the same with Even.

Everything happened so fast and suddenly, their lips were touching again. The kiss deepened, and Isak looked his arms around Even's neck. Isak pulled him closer as they continued to kiss. Even's hands had now snuck under Isak's hoodie, gripping his waist. Isak eagerly deepened the kiss, taking the lead.

Isak knew this wasn't right. He knew that a house away Jonas was waiting for him. But this whole night was a disaster for Isak, if anything it was another failed attempt at getting his life back. But this- sitting here... kissing Even- it felt okay. It felt normal. Isak didn't want to miss an opportunity to finally feel like he wasn't so fucking alone. Isak didn't know why Even was kissing him back though, considering just last week he blatantly rejecting all of Isak's advances.

Isak finally pulled away from Even, though he kept his hands in place.

"Just... just so you know," Isak began sheepishly, still a little dazed from the kisses. "I'm not doing this because I'm drunk." There may have been some bitterness in the statement, but Isak meant what he said.

Even just flashed a small small in reply, and went in for another kiss. 

It probably wasn't appropriate, thought Isak, doing this- whatever this was. Especially not outside some college party.

Again, Isak pulled back first, finally coming to his senses. "We shouldn't... not here anyway." Isak spit out, breathless.

Even looked around, and nodded in agreement. "Okay, we can go somewhere else," Even said as he got up from the bench. Isak followed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait- hopefully you guys enjoy the longer chapter!!
> 
> thank you for all the feedback as always and sorry for any mistakes.


	11. morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after the party

Isak woke up the next morning on an an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. Isak turned in bed, only to see Even laying across from him. Even was already dressed in a pair of unfamiliar sweats and was using his phone. Isak was surprised that Even had even stuck around at all. It was always hit or miss with Even, Isak had learned.

"Who's room is this?" Isak asked, his voice sounding rough from sleep. He was still so fucking tired and sore.

Even apparently found the question funny, and let out a small laugh. "Good morning to you, too. It's... it's actually the guest room in Thomas' place."

"What the fuck..." Isak mumbled tiredly, turning on his side to face Even. "You brought me back to Thomas'?!" 

"Would you have preferred if I had brought you back to my parent's place?" Even joked. "I don't think my parents would've appreciated all the noise," Even said with a self satisfied smirk.

Isak scowled. "Jesus."

The situation was finally starting to sink in. Isak couldn't believe that last night at happened, but at the same time, he was happy he did. Especially now. Especially now that it was the morning after, and Even was still around, completely himself. Even wasn't running away and Isak was glad. Even wasn't making this uncomfortable and awkward so Isak was determined to do the same.

"Anyway... what time is it?" Isak asked. It still felt early, but Isak prayed he hadn't missed his lunch plans with his mom. That was the last thing he needed.

"9:30," Even answered. Isak let out a sigh in relief. "Do you have somewhere you need to be?"

Isak shook his head."Uhh no, not until later anyway. Lunch plans."

Isak didn't elaborate and Even didn't ask. Silence enveloped the room and Isak suddenly felt a lot more self conscious and vulnerable, though he could hardly say he regretted the events from last night. He remembered it all and it still made his cheeks flush just thinking about it. Still, he didn't like being the only naked one in the room.

"Uh... can you... pass me my clothes?" Isak asked, albeit a little shy. He wasn't really sure where they were.

Even laughed at Isak's hesitance and got up from bed to reach for Isak's clothes. Somehow, they were already nearly folded in a pile beside the bedside table. Even then gently passed Isak his clothes, smiling.

"I washed them while you were sleeping," Even explained. As Even said those words, Isak couldn't help but stare up at awe at Even. The morning light from the window was perfectly hitting his face, and for the first time that morning, Isak got to properly see his face. Even was glowing and Isak wanted nothing more than to kiss him. So he did.

The kiss was quick, but Even seemed to respond positively, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

"What was that for?" Even teased, taking in Isak's love drunk face.

Isak couldn't hold back his smiles anymore. This all felt too good.

Isak shrugged, and kissed him one more time.

After spending what felt like hours kissing lazily in bed, Isak finally acknowledged his clothes and threw on his hoodie and boxers on as quick as possible.

Then, Isak sunk back in bed and turned to face Even again. Even's gaze was still as strong as ever. They laid there for a while, just taking the morning in, when Isak finally decided to say something.

"This morning... uh...when I woke up, I was surprised that you were still here," Isak confessed. Even's face seemed to instantly freeze at the words.

"Why?" Even asked slowly.

Isak shrugged dramatically and let out a sigh. "I don't know, it wouldn't be the first time," Isak paused but then continued. "You're not exactly the most reliable person."

As those words left Isak's mouth, he instantly tried to backtrack but it was too late. Even's face had hardened at those words but then softened just as fast.

"You're right, Isak. That was a stupid question anyway," Even whispered, leaning closer to where Isak was laying.

Isak still wanted to apologize, but all the sorry's were stuck in the back of his throat. So instead, he asked another question.

"Why... why did you reject me and then decide to come back and kiss me?" Isak didn't want to know the answer, but he knew he needed to.

Even looked down and began to play with the comforter, twisting it around his hands. "I...the first time you kissed me, I just thought... it wasn't really you, you know? I told myself you were just lonely that night. But I couldn't help it at the party-Thomas told me that he saw you freaking out over a phone call and I just knew I had to see you. Just to ask if you're okay at the very least."

"And the kiss?" _and all the other stuff last night?_

Even finally looked up and gave a small smile. "That was unplanned- it just happened."

Isak smiled back. This was nice but time was passing and Isak would have to leave soon. He decided not to prolong the inevitable goodbye any longer. 

"Uhh, I guess I'll go take a shower and stuff," Isak spoke up, slowly rising from bed.

Even nodded, "Ok, the bathroom's to your right." Even gestured as he got up from bed, too. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me while you're in the shower."

Isak had hoped that Even would offer to join him, but he didn't. Even just the thought left Isak's face flushed. Embarrassed, Isak practically ran to the bathroom.

* * *

 

When Isak had finished showering, he went back to the guest room only to find it empty. Isak sighed and flopped down on the bed. He was exhausted and the consequences of his actions were finally hitting him. His anxiousness was getting to him, and his heart sank just thinking about the lunch date he had promised his mom. He would have to face his problems eventually, Even and his mother included. Last night was a good break from it all, Isak thought. Last night, Isak felt like he was 17 again. Like he was reliving a passionate and real first love. Now though, sitting in an unfamiliar and cold bed alone, he realized nothing had changed. His life was still fucked up.

Isak finally got up from bed, done sulking, and reached for his phone that was sitting on the bedside.

As soon as he opened his phone, he cringed. There were over 50 text notifications from his roommates, Jonas, Mahdi, Magnus and even from their group chat. There were none from his mom, but he forced himself not to think too much of it. It was still early in the day and his mom sometimes spent all day sleeping anyway.

Looking at his notifications, he opened Jonas' first, the guilt and realization finally kicking in. The events of last night were all a blur, and in the excitement of last night, he had forgotten to text Jonas back. He opened the text thread and wasn't surprised to see the long, and progressively more frustrated messages.

 **Jonas** :

03:21  
Where are you? Are you ready to go?  
Btw,I just wanted to say sorry. I know you're already stressed and you don't need me starting fights.

3:45  
Is everything okay?

4:12  
Isak? Where are you?

4:23  
Please just reply- I'm seriously worried.

4:37  
Wow Isak...  
I waited around at that party just to hear from some third year that you already left with some guy.

4:38  
You're a real asshole sometimes, you know that?  
At least have the decency to tell me when you decide to ditch me for Even

8:38:  
Eskild just texted me saying you still haven't come home.  
I know you're probably with Even rn but I didn't want to tell him that so make sure you text him back, okay?

8:56:  
Good luck with your mom today.  
Call me if you need anything

As Isak read the messages, his stomach twisted in knots. _Fuck_ , he really did feel like the world's biggest asshole.

Isak quickly typed up a reply, trying his best to sound genuine.

**To Jonas:**

10:38  
I'm really sorry.  
Thanks though. I mean it.  
I'll text Eskild back so don't worry.

10:39  
I'll call you after lunch with my mom :)

It was a weak apology- Isak knew that- but nothing seemed to be enough. Isak would just have to apologize in person later.

Then he began to write out his message to Eskild. Similar to his message to Jonas, Isak apologized and assured him that he was safe and that he would most likely be out for the rest of the day. After hitting send, he checked his other texts. Mahdi and Magnus had all texted him multiple times, all about his "disappearance" at last night's party. Isak didn't bother replying because he was sure that Jonas would fill them in. It was probably better that way.

Just as Isak got up from the bed, Even walked in.

"Everything okay?" Even asked, looking at Isak's clearly distressed facial expression.

"Yeah," Isak said, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Jonas is just really pissed about last night."

"Fuck-that bad?" Even mumbled, sounding guilty about the whole situation.

Isak sighed, and walked up to Even was standing at the doorway. "It's not your fault- I was the one who fucked up by not texting him and-"

"Yeah, but," Even interrupted. "I was kind of the reason for everything else. The fighting... all of that..."

"It's fine- really," Isak reassured, trying to give Even his best smile. Then, hesitantly, Isak lifted his chin, asking for a kiss. Even just shook his head, teasing, but finally gave in. It was one of the more intimate moments of their past 24 hours together and Isak was practically melting. It was strange, how after 5 months they were still able to fall into this routine of soft morning afters. It made Isak feel way more hopeful than he should.

The momentary bliss didn't last much longer though because Isak's ringtone broke the peaceful silence. Isak checked the called ID and saw that it was his dad. His dad never called this early in the morning so Isak couldn't help but be alarmed.

Isak picked up the phone without hesitation and nearly passed out when he heard his dad speak.

  
"Mama had an episode earlier this morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed <333  
> thanks for the feedback like alwaysss  
> next chapter will definitely be much longer


	12. take me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak and even's morning after

Isak hated the hospital. He remembers the first time he had gone. He was only eight years old but he had to get stitches after falling from a tree. From then on out, hospital visits only became more and more painful for Isak.

The second time Isak visited the hospital, it was because of Jonas. He had gotten beat up by the Yakuza guys and when Isak brought him in, Isak was the one almost in tears. Jonas had initially refused to go to the hospital, too scared to get his parents and the authority involved, but after the second day, Isak more or less begged him to go. Isak couldn't stand another day of watching Jonas take the strongest painkillers he could find with his breakfast, dinner and lunch. Luckily, when Jonas did finally get checked out, the doctor said that most of his injuries were would heal by themselves. The injuries were painful, but they weren't life threatening. It was a relief to Isak, knowing that Jonas was okay, but he still hated hospitals.

And now, his third time, he wanted to just sink into the ground. Even had offered to drive him in his mom's car after Isak got the call and Isak was in so state to decline.

The ride to the hospital was dead silent. Isak could feel Even's intense glances, and under any other circumstances, Isak would've probably blushed. Now though, Isak knows that Even's eyes are filled with worry. Isak hated it.

When they finally arrived to the hospital, Isak felt as if he was gonna explode. His hands were shaking so much that he could hardly hold his phone as he checked for any texts from his dad. Slowly, Isak unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. He should probably thank Even. He should probably also explain the situation. Yet... he couldn't. Not yet, anyway.

Even was infinitely patient, though. He knew that Isak was breaking down internally, and he tried his best to be comforting. Well, as comforting as he could be without knowing the speifics. He silently urged Isak to go inside, and told Isak that he would wait in the parking lot. Even knew it wasn't his place to go with Isak inside. Isak wouldn't like it, and assuming this hospital visit involved his mom, it just wouldn't be right. So, Even tried his best to stay rational and calm, for Isak's sake. Isak quickly nodded and blinked away tears as he exited the car and walked towards the entrance of the hospital.

All Even could really do in the meantime was wait.

* * *

Hardly an hour later, Isak was practically running to Even's car. Isak entered the car, avoiding making any eye contact with Even. In fact, Isak seemed like he was on the verge of a panic attack. Even had never seen him get so freaked out, and immediately Even couldn't help but panic.

Even had no idea what was going on, besides what he'd heard while Isak was on the phone (which wasn't much) but he still reached out and held Isak tight. Under his grasp, Isak was shaking. Even knew that Isak was only seconds away from falling apart and he had never felt more useless.

"It's okay," Even whispered. He kept quiet afterwards because by that point, Isak had broken out into full fledged sobs. Even knew that Isak couldn't talk right now.

Isak then suddenly detached himself from Even's grasp and made a face as if he had forgotten something important. He spoke up, looking nervously into Even's eyes.

"If you... you probably have plans and I've just been making you wait and take care of me... " Isak said all in one breath. "You can.. you can just drop me off now."

Even reached out toward "Isak- shhh...I don't have any plans," Even mumbled, kissing his forehead and running his hands through Isak's hair. Even wasn't lying. The second Isak had walked into the hospital, Even cancelled all his plans for that day. "I want... I like this. Being with you. I want to be here."

Isak finally seemed to feel comfortable again and practically melted at the soft and reassuring words.

"Do you want to grab something to eat?" Even asked, carefully pulling away from Isak. Even didn't think just sitting in the hospital parking lot was a good idea.

Isak shook his head, and reached out for Even's hand. Even wanted to cry because of the gesture. Isak was always affectionate but not like this. Not like he was desperately clinging onto Even as if that was the only thing keeping him grounded. "Isak... do you want to talk about it?"

"No..."

"Isak... it's okay to speak about these things. It'll be good to talk about it and-" Even stopped when he realized that Isak was hardly breathing. He almost looked like he was in shock and Even was terrified. Isak's mother had had bad moments before, but she'd never been hospitalized before and Isak had never reacted like this. Even didn't know what to do.

"Isak... please.. please just tell me what happened in there," Even begged. He never did this. He never pushed Isak to talk, but this was scaring Even. He didn't know how to help. He was absolutely clueless.

Isak's eyes refocused and he rubbed his hands against his eyes. "My dad...he just completely-ugh-" Isak could hardly get a sentence out. His nose was running and he could hardly breathe. Even ran a soothing hand down his back, and gently coaxed him to continue.

"My dad did what he always does. He just ignored me. Completely disregarded what me and my mom would want...- Just..." The sobs continued, and Even's heart shattered. 

 Isak eventually stopped crying for a moment though, and took a deep breath. Isak finally spoke up again, more quietly this time. 

 "My mom had an episode this morning. It wasn't like her normal episodes though. Her caretaker was out running errands...and the neighbors ended up calling the police on my mom. It was a surreal situation. Everyone thought she would never get this bad. She would still go off on my dad and I all the time, but no one thought she would go out in public and... my dad said that the neighbors said she was completely hysterical. And well, long story short, she was taken to the hospital. My dad got the call and he went by himself to the hospital. He said he didn't want to call me because he didn't want me to stress out but I know that's all bullshit. He just didn't... he didn't want the extra pressure of I don't fucking know... I think when he sees me all he feels is guilt. Guilt for leaving and all that... So he just ignores me," Isak said shaking his head. Even only nodded along, wanting to let Isak finish.

"All he wants is to go in and out of the hospital as quick as possible. Sign papers, talk to the caretaker and just go back to his life- to his perfect  life- where my mom doesn't exist. Where I don't exist. But this time, it was different. The doctors, the caretaker, everyone was really concerned. She's been to the hospital in and out for a while now, and they... they told my dad that her current treatment wasn't showing good results." Isak sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"Anyway, they..." Isak was breaking down again but he managed to choke out the rest of the words. "They told my dad that she needed more extreme forms of treatment. They told him that the best option would be a month long stay at a psychiatric hospital for more intensive treatment..."

Even couldn't hide his face of surprise, but Isak seemed too caught up in his own thoughts to even notice.

Isak then let out an empty, hollow laugh. "He didn't... he didn't even call me early enough to say goodbye... She was sedated out of her mind and she was already on her way to the hospital. All my dad told me was that I could visit her in a few days. Can you believe it?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Even shook his head a little anyway. Even had never hated Isak's dad more. 

"My mom...I can't even imagine how terrified she must've been. I haven't... I know haven't been the best son, but I know she loves me, you know? I would've liked to see her and I know, deep down inside, she would've wanted to see me too. My dad... he didn't even think of any of that. He didn't even consider her or my feelings. In fact- I don't even think he tried to see her before they sent her. I think he just signed the papers and then called me right after. We... I.. I was supposed to have lunch with her today.. and now all of this shit happened."

Even couldn't stay silent any longer. He was about to burst in frustration, sadness, and anger. "I'm sorry, Isak. I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve this and neither does your mom. But it'll be okay- your mom-you can visit her soon,right? Maybe for Christmas? Even if you can't she knows you'll be there for her."

Isak scoffed at that, wiping away at his dried tears. "Does she? Whatever... it doesn't even matter now. It's over for now. I can't believe I'll be spending Christmas at the psych ward with my mom," Isak mumbled, his tone mixed with equal parts sadness and bitterness. "I just want this to stop. When... when will this all end? When will we get our life back?"

Even didn't know what to say. He wishes he could just tell Isak that everything will be okay soon. That his mom would get better and his dad would somehow magically grow a heart overnight, but he couldn't. None of that was guaranteed, much less likely. So instead, Even offered his warmth, and wrapped his arms around Isak as tightly as he could.

* * *

They sat like that for a while, in the hospital parking lot. After what seemed like hours, Even slightly shifted, turning his head to face Isak.

"Where... where do you wanna go now?" Even asked carefully, not wanting to upset Isak.

Isak lifted himself off of Even's body and let out a long breath. "I think...I think I should go back to my apartment. Eskild is probably freaked out and," Isak shrugged. "I think I just want to be home right now."

Even nodded calmly, trying to just follow along with whatever Isak needed right now.

"Okay, I can drop you off," Even whispered quietly, pressing a soft kiss on Isak's temple. Even had been trying to avoid any overtly romantic gestures, not wanting to pressure Isak or make the situation something it shouldn't be, but he just couldn't help himself. 

* * *

Once they arrived at the apartment, Even found it hard to let Isak go. They had driven there in silence, but Even had kept his hand on Isak's the whole time. 

Isak on the other hand, seemed anxious, but opened the car door as soon as Even stopped the car in front of Isak's front door. They said quiet goodbyes, and just like that, Isak left. 

* * *

Once Even got home, he immediately went to his room. He fished his phone out of his coat pocket and opened up his text thread with Isak. He still didn't know if he had made the right decision by dropping off Isak at his place. He typed out a quick text to check in, praying that Isak was doing okay.

**To Isak:**

Are you okay?

Did you get to talk with Eskild?

**Isak:**

He wasn't home. 

_Shit_. Isak was home alone. Even couldn't leave him alone like that- not now. Even wrote out a text as fast as possible, inviting him over.  

**To Isak:**

Okay, then do you want to come over?

I can pick you up if you want. I'll make sure my parents won't bother us.

**Isak:**

I can't. Jonas came over and I think he's sleeping over tonight.

Even was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Even was glad that Jonas had come over, it wouldn't be good for Isak to be alone right now. He was in a bad place. Yet, at the the same time, he couldn't help but feel bad that he couldn't be with Isak. He was upset that he couldn't be the one to help Isak. To hold him all night long.

But deep down, Even knew that he lost that privilege all too long ago. He put down his phone and crawled into bed, just hoping that Isak would be okay. That's all he could do.

* * *

When Isak arrived back at the apartment, both Eskild and Linn were both at work (thank, God) and Noora was... Isak wasn't really sure, but honestly he didnt really care. All that mattered to him was that he was home alone. He was both physically and mentally exhausted and was aching to get into his bed. He needed to sleep all of this off. But before he could get to bed, his eyes met with a head of curly hair. Jonas. That was definantly the last person he expected to see. Jonas was sitting on the couch in the living room, his back facing Isak distracted by his phone.

"Jonas?" Isak called out in confusion. Jonas jumped in surprise and then he slowly got up from his seat. His shocked face expression quickly molded into an expression of frustration.

"Isak- what the hell?" Jonas said, as he walked over to the doorway where Isak was still standing. "Where have you been all day? I was worried when you didn't call."

As Jonas got closer and saw Isak's disheveled hair and red eyes, his expression seemed to soften.

"Isak?" Jonas practically whispered, his eyebrows scrunching up. "Did... did something happen with your mom?"

Isak shook his head at first, but suddenly, tears started rushing down his face. Isak almost laughed at how pathetic he had gotten. In a matter of weeks, he had cried a countless number of times, but to be fair, his life was kinda going to shit, he thought to himself.

Jonas let out a small surprised sound at Isak's sudden outburst and pulled Isak into his arms. They didn't hug like this often, but it wasn't awkward. If anything, Isak melted into the hug, gripping Jonas tightly.

Jonas knew from the way Isak has so easily given in to his emotions let him know that something had gone terribly wrong.

* * *

A couple of hours had passed, and Isak had managed to cry himself out. He was even more tired than before. Isak didn't tell Jonas the truth. It was too much. He couldn't even accept what had happened himself, much less vocalize it and try to explain his thoughts about the whole situation. It was too much pressure, so Isak fell back to using one of his old excuses. He told Jonas that his mom had just been unresponsive, cold and irritable towards him during lunch. Once Isak explained, Jonas didn't push. Instead, Jonas just put Isak to bed and gave him some water. Isak didn't resist, but instead just took out his phone and used it for a bit. He seemed to be typing out texts. Jonas would've asked who Isak was texting, but he stopped himself in the last minute. He knew from experience that it was probably better not to ask. Jonas didn't want to upset him or make this situation any more uncomfortable for Isak. After a few minutes of using his phone, Isak finally buried himself under the blankets and closed his eyes. Jonas took that as his cue to leave, and gently close Isak's door as he left him room.

Jonas then sighed and walked out to the living room, deciding to camp out there for the night instead. Jonas knew better than to push Isak. If he pried more than necessary, Isak would just block him out completely. That being said, Jonas couldn't help but worry. Isak had never acted this upset after meeting with his mom- ever- and for whatever reason, he was hiding it again. Jonas didn't know how to help Isak. He was lost, and even better, was that no one else could help Isak, either. Eskild wasn't home. It didn't really matter that much anyway because  Jonas just _knew_ that even if Eskild was home, Isak wouldn't open up to him either about whatever had happened earlier.  

Alone in the apartment, Jonas' thoughts wondered and he began to think about last night. Friday night was probably one of the most stressful and frustrating nights he had had in a while. To be completely honest, Jonas was still _pissed_ at Isak. And even more than Isak, Jonas was angry at Even. Jonas didn't know exactly what had happened last night after Isak and Even left the party, but he could definitely guess.

Ruby, the girl who had told him about how Isak left with some tall blond guy, didn't spare Jonas any of the details. Instead, she managed to ramble on for ages about how crazy the whole situation was. She told him how Isak and Even had just sat on the bench, in silence, when suddenly they just started kissing. Jonas wishes he could say he was surprised when he heard the news, but in all honesty, it was expected. He knew, just by the way Isak was looking at Even that night, that Isak would take him back. Just like that.

_It wasn't fair_ , thought Jonas. It wasn't fair that his best friend's ex came back after months of radio silence just to fuck everything up more. It wasn't fair that his best friend's parents made Isak's life a living hell, even if they didn't mean to. It wasn't fair.

Jonas wanted nothing more than to save Isak. Save him from this suffering that seemed to endlessly plague Isak's life. He needed to _do something_.

Jonas sighed and got up from where he was sitting in the living room and grabbed his phone. He opened up his Instagram app, and found Even's account without having to search very hard. Then without much thought, Jonas sent him a message. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks sm for the feedback:) sorry for any mistakes <33333


End file.
